Fan Of NASL Team Waiting For League Proof Of Life

Indianapolis, IN - Indy Eleven fan Jim Lovatt stated that while some of his friends were celebrating the release of the Major League Soccer (MLS) schedule that he was still waiting for a proof of life from the North American Soccer League (NASL).

YEAH! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"The last thing the league really sent out about the upcoming year was information on the letter sent to the US Soccer Federation about the upcoming presidential election," stated Lovatt to The Nutmeg News. "That literally does nothing for me other than making me anxious about the theoretical upcoming 2018 season."

Lovatt admitted that his attempt to plan out his vacations and personal obligations for 2018 lead to this anxiety as he stated, "I don't know if I'll be watching a team or mourning the death of a league or going to more Division 3 games in the future, or just taking a lot more vacation time this year for actual vacations. I just want some kind of indication that everything is going to continue where the signs are more than a bunch of millionaires sparring about the future of my team."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Lovatt dresses himself in all his team gear and rocks back and forth in a corner for 30 minutes.

Man Wearing Front Office Gear Betrays Scene

San Jose, CA - Reports from Jody Steinwick's New Year's party indicate that soccer fanatic Paul Sanders totally betrayed the whole fucking scene by wearing front office gear to the late night bash.

"Paul is a fucking sellout," raged capo Ben Ross. "He wears supporters gear for the rest of the year, but then shows up with an Earthquakes t-shirt? What a fucking poser."

We spoke with scene legend and resident Earthquakes crank Cameron Anderson who stated that he, "Always knew that Paul was a fucking noob. A FUCKING SELLOUT NOOB," as he smashed his fist down dramatically to illustrate his point.

Sanders, reportedly, was running late to the party and needed something to wear grabbing the only clean t-shirt out of his drawer without realizing his mistake. The knowledge of this being the case did nothing to sway the opinions of the guardians of the soccer scene who realized quickly that his disastrous t-shirt grab only exacerbated the feelings they already had about Mr. Sanders.

"If he was a real soccer ultra he would have showed up to the party without a shirt after realizing his mistake," stated a fan who didn't wish to be identified. "True ultras don't need anything to show their passion."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Sanders overcompensates in 2018 in order to fix his street cred.

Early Schedule Release Angers Fans Looking For Stupid Drama

The early schedule release by Major League Soccer (MLS) angered a large section of soccer fans in the United States who were hoping for endless weeks of pithy drama about the schedule not being out, yet.

"I had MEMES," stated David Hathaway of Brooklyn, NY. "MEMES. Arm loads of MEMES and shitposting to do about this and they release the schedule four days into 2018!? What am I supposed to do with all this," he stated as he pantomimed putting imaginary memes and posts onto a table.

According to insiders affiliated with Twitter, the announcement of the MLS schedule being released on Thursday forced the deletion of over 100 Tweet drafts having to do with the delayed schedule announcement.

"What am I supposed to do now?" asked veteran shitposter Pete Norman. "All I had left was making fun of the league for not having the schedule out. Now all that is really left is making fun of the fans of my own team."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as one brave person decides to forge against the tide and pretend like the schedule is late anyway.

Major League Soccer Releases Columbus Crew Death Kit

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS), today, released the Columbus Crew death kit for their final 2019 season before they move to Austin.

The kit comes in funeral colors as the Crew Ownership and Major League Soccer quickly attempt to shovel dirt on the franchise in their attempt to move the team somewhere where they can be more profitable.

"The black color is an attempt to evoke death," stated Adidas kit designer Jesse Cabalero. "Major League Soccer said that we needed a somber kit reminiscent of a team heading off on a year long funeral procession and we delivered."

Fans say that the black kit is likely the most appropriate thing the league has done since they decided to screw every Crew fan in the world, over the past few years.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Crew switch their walk out song to The End by The Doors.

Eric Wynalda Calls On FIFA To Hack Kathy Carter's Emails

Miami, FL. — Eric Wynalda said on Wednesday that he hoped FIFA intelligence services had successfully hacked Kathy Carter's email, and encouraged them to publish whatever they may have stolen, essentially urging a foreign adversary to conduct cyberespionage against a former president of Soccer United Marketing.

“FIFA, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails about promotion and relegation that are missing,” Mr. Wynalda said during a news conference here in an apparent reference to Mrs. Carter's emails. “I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by the three unpaid interns still covering the sport in the United States.”

Mr. Wynalda's call was another bizarre moment in the mystery of whether Gianni Infantino's organization has been seeking to influence the United States Soccer Federation's Presidential race.

His comments came amid questions about the hacking of the Soccer United Marketing's computer servers, which American soccer agencies have told the Federation they have “high confidence” was the work of the FIFA organization.

At the same news conference, Mr. Wynalda also appeared to leave the door open to accepting FIFA’s acceptance of a Qatar World Cup bid eight years ago — which the United States and its European allies consider a really dumb fucking idea. That World Cup, and the continued efforts of FIFA-aided insurgents to undermine the United States justice department, are the reason that the United States Soccer Federation, Trinidad/Tobago, and their allies still have economic sanctions in force against FIFA.

When asked whether he would recognize Qatar “as World Cup territory” and lift the sanctions, Mr. Wynalda said: “We’ll be looking at that. Yeah, we’ll be looking.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Kyle Martino asks for a candidate debate to talk about instituting single payer healthcare for soccer players.

Woman Starts New Year By Hiding Viewing of Arsenal v Chelsea From Employer

Philadelphia, PA - Accountant Jessica Haim returned to work on Wednesday and started the new year by surreptitiously hiding her viewing of Arsenal v Chelsea from her ever present and roaming boss who was unaware of the cell phone strategically positioned below Ms. Haim's desk.

"Yes, Yes, Of course that wasn't in. Double post. Yes. Ok, I have to go."

"New Year, New Me," tweeted Ms. Haim from her locked twitter account @MorataIsGod13 as she prepared to continue her trend of hiding her obsession with soccer by streaming the Premier League game from a hidden vantage point. "Hoping to see Conte really take the Gunners apart #blessed."

According to friends, the only way Ms. Haim can get through the drudgery of a job she hates in a career field she regrets is the constant love that she feels from the London side that blesses her weeks and fills her day with meaning. 

"If all I had was my job and my empty apartment? Oh.....yeah....... that would be bad," stated Ms. Haim to her friend Becky Lindgaard. "Yeah, say what you want to about my shitty job, but I still have the Blues."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ms. Haim attempts to celebrate a counter attack by transferring a motion of excitement into crossing leg motion.

Red Bull Fan Waiting Til The Right Time To Suggest A Plane Flying A Banner Over Stadium

NEW YORK - Red Bull fan Raul Gonzalez stated that he is waiting until the right time to suggest the fans paying for a plane flying a RED BULL OUT banner over Red Bull Arena after the front office of the MLS team traded captain Sacha Kljestan to Orlando City for two players.

Yeah, this kind of stuff.

"It has to be the right moment of fan anger," stated Gonzalez to The Nutmeg News. "We've been through this before so I don't want to jump the gun like after the Dax trade."

According to friends, Gonzalez suggest flying a RED BULL OUT banner over Red Bull Arena too early after the team traded captain Dax McCarty to the Chicago Fire. The banner was so poorly supported that it reached a paltry 5% of the gofundme financial target.

"It's important to read the room," stated David Dilby, director of fan anger for ITT Tech. "We, as humans, need to reach the right amount of critical mass before donating $5 to a blimp or plane anger device."

Friends say that Gonzalez has had 50% success with his plane and blimp funding suggestions so he is desperate to make the conversion on this one, even if it means waiting until the NEXT moment of anger.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Gonzalez debates a billboard versus plane banner funding plan.

Fan Still Wondering When He Votes For USSF President

LOS ANGELES - Soccer fan David Hernandez admitted that he's been all riled up by the spurious rumors thrown around  regarding who is being paid off by whom in the US Soccer Federation presidential election; and he can't wait to vote on the matter as soon as someone explains how he goes about doing that.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you won't be able to do this, ever.

"Journalists and fans are, apparently, unaware that they do not actually vote on the USSF presidential election," stated Cambridge fellow and Brooking's institute director of how they get that filling in Pop Tarts Henry Thomas. "There are so many reporters and faux-journalist bloggers talking about the election that they all forgot the simple fact that most of the people hearing these salacious rumors actually don't have the ability to vote in the election."

The truth of the matter aside, Hernandez stated that he was excited to participate in the election just as soon as he figures out how exactly a regular soccer fan votes.

"I'm excited for the possibility to overthrow the oligarchy and vote against the big interests, just like everyone's been tweeting about. I support Eric Wynalda and I'm going to cast my vote with the rest of my revolutionaries as soon as we figure out how the hell to do that."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hernandez and his friends just continue to post unending threads about the election on Twitter instead.

Adidas Shocks World By Making Red Kit

NEW YORK - The global soccer and lifestyle brand Adidas shocked the world New Years Day by making a Red kit for Red Bull New York as fans across the world marveled at the red kit.

IT'S RED.

"IT'S RED. THEY DID IT. THOSE GLORIOUS BASTARDS," stated Nike director of design Roger Mawinga. "No one thought that anyone could make a red kit, but they did it! They made a red kit!"

Sources say that the Red Kit was in design since 2006 as the MLS side tasked Adidas to make history by finding a way to dye fabric a shade of red.

"No one has ever had a red top before," stated British Vogue director of fashion Venetia Scott. "It's truly something original and new that we could see a shade of red on clothing. No one has ever seen such a thing before."

Fans state that they are thrilled as the long promised possibility of RED Bulls playing in RED has now materialized from their dreams to fabric.

"I've seen the Pyramids of Giza, Machu Picchu, Stonehenge, and now this," stated Red Bull fan Carl Porziklova. "This wonder of the world, the creation of a red garment, will outlast all of them."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as all fans bow down to the Red Glory.

Mediators Brought In To Stop Internet Bloodshed Between Sporting Kansas City And IFK Göteborg

OSLO - Mediators were brought in at the neutral location of Oslo, Norway in an attempt to settle the ancient feud between Sporting Kansas City and IFK Göteborg that rages on to this day.

Air Force photo by Margo Wright

Mediators from the firm of Häagen and Daaz were made available to the teams in an attempt to stop the shitposting and memes that fanned the ever toxic flames of the internationally recognized deathmatch over the past 120 years.

"The ultras were absolutely set on a bricks, bats, and/or voguing battle the next time the two teams play," stated mediator Jaared Heinz. "We worked with the two groups to calm down the hysteria and enmity that exists between the two international firms."

 According to insider sources, the top boys from both The Cauldron and Änglarna 1973 were hesitatingly moving forward to a temporary truce provided there isn't one more Swedish Chef joke made before the armistice is signed.

Top Boy Stian Haaken stated that they would gladly battle Kansas City supporters in the arts of combative dance at Liseberg, and the Baltespannarparken and by Drottninggatan street, as long as the supporters from the Cauldron could find these locations.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the armistice is broken immediately.

Second Cousin Promoted To Premier Family League After Particularly Thoughtful Holiday Season

Dallas, TX - After instituting Promotion/Relegation within his family circle, soccer fan Thomas Pearson stated that his second cousin Dale would be promoted to the Premier Family League after a particularly thoughtful holiday season.

Heading back up to the PFL!

"Dale will be joining the Premier Family League this next season and we couldn't be happier to see him go up," stated Pearson to The Nutmeg News. 

Dale was relegated all the way to the Southern Texas Regional Division in the Non-Family League after a series of blunders back in the early 2000s when he brought then-girlfriend Monica Stephens to a Christmas party where she attempted to have a Chakra realignment session with his sister Deborah introducing her to a life time of crystal collection and holiday veganism.

"It was a tough holiday season but we had a great competition," stated Pearson.

"Aunt Josie was talking about how she was excited for an outsider last year which really had me thinking she'd be dropping off her standard in the Premier Family League.  However, this year she came right out with 'I was wrong, I admit it. Lets just leave it be,' while really scaling back her annoying posts on Facebook. She pulled herself out of a relegation spiral in Mid-December by showing up with two delicious deserts when she needed them the most. However, my brother in law (who was already close to falling to the fourth division last year but makes a killer Pecan Pie) doubled down this season and showed up with a stupid ass frog hat. He never could get out of the relegation zone all season long and capped off his performance talking about his newfound love of the Houston Dynamo and their playoff run. He was relegated on the final day and now is in the blue square fourth Family league and only gets $10 gift card to Starbucks with a parachute payment of a Christmas Card for one season."

Pearson stated that other than his Cousin Dale, there will be two more promotions from the Championship Family Division as his Grandfather Isaac and his Brother Todd are in a playoff to see who will be promoted back to the Premier Family League after a season down a division.

"It's going to be an intense one day playoff, but there can only be one winner. Grandpa Isaac is starting to show his age, but his experience will count against Todd, who is a dick."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Pearson openly celebrates the relegation of his Third Cousin Ralph who spent far too long in the PFL resting upon his ability to park the bus and get Todd drunk.

MLS States That New Nashville Franchise Will Move To Memphis Due To Business Metrics

NEW YORK - Minutes after adding Nashville to Major League Soccer (MLS), Comissioner Don Garber stated that the lack of community involvement would necessitate a move of the minutes old franchise to Memphis due to business metrics.

"We did not have the support for the team we thought we would have minutes after the announcement so we will be moving the franchise to Memphis in hopes that we can have a publicly financed world class stadium and atmosphere," stated Garber.

Insider sources indicate that this Nashville to Memphis deal was in the works as of years ago as MLS let the expansion bids happen before showing that they intentionally were planning on moving the franchise immediately after it was given to the city.

"Trust us when we say this will only make the league stronger," stated president of MLS, Mark Abbot.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the league plans to move the next franchise to San Diego.

Overarching Sense Of Doom From Millennial's Life Leaking Into Her Soccer Support

San Diego, CA - The overarching sense of doom from Jessica Brown's life is now leaking into her soccer support as everything seems pretty shit, these days.

Photo: Jerry Bunkers

https://www.flickr.com/photos/94328679@N03/34773798090

"I've got two terrible jobs, I live with my parents, and I don't have enough money to go watch any actual soccer game," stated Brown to The Nutmeg News. "My overwhelming feeling that there is nothing for me in this country has now started to pepper my support of Tottenham."

Brown stated that she's been a long time fan of Tottenham Hotspur as she became a Spurs devotee while randomly selecting the team on FIFA 2001.

"I've followed them since I was a kid," stated Brown. "I wasn't a die hard fan at the beginning, but they just became my team. Now.... I don't know.... I just don't see anything good happening... well... anywhere. I don't think they are going to make the champions league. I don't think Harry Kane is going to stay around. I don't think, ugh... you know what I'm just going to watch the games for what they are as a respite from the perpetual doom that encumbers my life and my generaton."

Despite perpetual disappointment being a requirement for a soccer fan and a Spurs fan, Brown stated that she is feeling even less positive about Harry Kane and company after examining her recent jobs, life and healthcare options

"I don't even know what I'm going to do. I can't afford anything. I can't afford to leave. I can't afford to live in a small town, I can't afford to live in the city. I can't afford to go to games, I can't even afford to watch games on TV. All my money goes to student loans, rent to help my parents stay afloat, food and transportation. I'm just a cog supporting the team from afar, and for some soccer fans here that means that I'm the worst. I just need a distraction other than booze, is that so hard?"

Brown stated that her only methodology of watching Tottenham games is streaming them illegally online.

"I guess I'm just going to keep working on work, or something, or go back to school and just bury myself in so much debt that eventually I change my name and move to Guatemala. Either/Or."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Brown's love of Tottenham is the only thing keeping her going on the weekends.

Facebook Comment Solves All The Problems In US Soccer

Toledo, OH - A Facebook comment by Roger Dillon reportedly solved all the problems in US Soccer provided that anyone affiliated with US Soccer actually reads the authoritative and ranting spew posted as the 643rd comment to a US Soccer post on Wednesday.

This would only improve things if it deleted all of Facebook at the same time.

Dillon's thousand word comment reportedly contained so much wisdom that at least 10 people liked the comment, netting almost as much interaction as a post containing a Rick And Morty meme referencing Bruce Arena.

Outlining a progressive and cautious approach to opening the pyramid, investing in the game locally and creating a system that advocates for soccer across the United States, Dillon pitched a seeming utopia of US Soccer with promotion/relegation, an open pyramid and financial investment into coaching certificates and youth soccer.

"All I need is a period of time to speak with the US Soccer candidates," stated Dillon in an interview with his Kitchen Aid. "I can convince them of the errors of their way and show them that these big businesses making money off the game isn't the best way for things to be run. I guarantee you that I can convince all these millionaires that they shouldn't be making as much money. Easy."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Dillon attempts posts his screed to Instagram, Reddit, Twitter, Digg, Tinder, and his own private Slack channel where he is the only member.

Pulisic Wonder Goal A Cheerful Holiday Reminder That The United States Is Not In The 2018 World Cup

CHICAGO - The wonder goal scored by Christian Pulisic, today, was a cheerful holiday reminder for Dave Nelson that the United States is not in 2018 World Cup as he ordered another beer at the bar where he watched Dortumund win against Hoffenheim.

Hey, did you know the United States didn't qualify for the World Cup?

"Fuck," stated Nelson as he watched the replay over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. "I can't believe we aren't going to the World Cup."

Nelson actually spent the morning enjoying the conviviality at his local soccer bar where the games moved from early English games to German games as the crowd moved in and out. Reportedly, he hadn't even thought about the fact that he wasn't going to watch the United States fumble fuck their way around the Russian fields in 6 months. 

That was, however, until the end of the Dortmund/Hoffenheim game with Christian Pulisic scored a wonder goal that reminded Nelson of the futility of being a sports fan.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Nelson shows every single person, who sits next to him for the next 4 hours, the Pulisic goal.

LA Galaxy Announce David Beckham Signing

LOS ANGELES - The LA Galaxy announced a huge development in the battle for Los Angeles against LAFC as they stated that David Beckham would be signing..... various pieces of memorabilia..... for the Los Angeles Galaxy during the 2018 season.

"We are proud to have international superstar David Beckham sign objects for the Galaxy once again," stated Pete Vagenas, vice president of soccer operations. "We aim to show that we are the preeminent soccer side in Los Angeles and feel that David signing (items) for us will show our intention."

Insider sources indicate that Beckham was enticed to sign some objects by a multi-million dollar bonus that he will reinvest into another search for a billionaire with more money than sense in Miami.

That information didn't dull the Galaxy's day, on Thursday, as they boldly announced the Beckham signing with all the aplomb of a side that recently fired Curt Onalfo.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Galaxy announce a Robbie Keane signing......... of memorabilia from his MLS Cup win.

MLS Bloggers Ready To Launch 1000 "Balance Of Power Has Shifted From West To East" Stories

Bloggers for Major League Soccer stated that they were collectively ready to launch 1000, "Balance Of Power Has Shifted From West To East," stories on their unrelated blogs as the MLS offseason chugs onward.

It's a jumping off point!!

http://www.goal.com/en-us/news/all-eyes-on-barco-why-atlantas-pursuit-of-the-new-aguero/1o4hby4g1h00t1mtbgd3me0547

"From Toronto FC winning MLS Cup to Atlanta United acquiring young and exciting players from Argentina, clearly the balance of power has shifted," stated blogger Thad Newton. 

"I'm planning my whole column around how the Nagbe acquisition by Atlanta shows the rising Eastern Conference," stated blogger Paul Thomas. 

"I've got a thoroughly investigated statistical analysis piece that is getting posted to my SB Nation blog in 2 weeks that shows how the East is better than the West and getting better every month," stated statistics blogger James Olivares. 

With tens of thousands of unpaid bloggers and hundreds of recently fired journalists ready to submit their piece of mind for their carefully curated websites, analysts say to be careful of a "East > West" article backlash.

"Our analysis shows that considerate bloggers will wait for the flood and then post an alternative reaction against the prevailing trend," stated Brookings Institute fellow and Blog Analysis Professor Dick Withers. "Bloggers attempting to succeed in positioning themselves against the people positioning themselves against the West are going to have a good February."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we count down the Top 10 ways the East is Better than the west in 2018.

Repeated Entreaties By MASL Stadium Announcer Do Not Increase Team's Defensive Abilities

St. Louis, MO - Repeated entreaties by St. Louis Ambush stadium announcer James Winter failed to increase the team's performance on defense as his calls for defense echoed off the walls of The Family Arena in St. Charles.

"IS THIS THING ON?"

"DE..... FENSE...." implored a forlorn Winter over the public adress system as he attempted to get both the Ambush defense and the home fans in unison over this perceived weakness.

"DE..... FENSE," he cried again into the night, somewhat forlornly. 

Despite Winter's best efforts, the Ambush fell to the charging Milwaukee Wave 4-3 as they continued an unfortunate 0-7 start to the season.

"If we could just get a consensus of when I say, 'defense,' you repeat the word defense," argued Winter with downtrodden fans who marched out of The Family Arena after the most recent loss. "It would really help. Look, I'll try now... DE.... FENSE," he cried to the back of retreating Ambush fan Darren Hart. 

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Winter's exceptional performance on the mic during the upcoming Cedar Rapids Rampage game inspires the Ambush to a streak breaking victory.

Executives Thrilled As MLS Cup Ratings Almost Overtake Dragon Ball Z Kai Rerun

NEW YORK - Sources report that executives with Major League Soccer (MLS) were thrilled as MLS Cup television ratings in the United States almost reached the dizzying heights of a 11:00 pm rerun of Dragon Ball Z Kai

SO CLOSE! They did score with the over 50 crowd, though!

"Our best showing in the United States in some time," stated director of Television ratings for Major League Soccer, Dawn Hendrickson. "We really gave Dragon Ball Z and the midnight version of Sportscenter everything it could handle from a cable ratings perspective."

With soccer television in the United States growing, executives with MLS state that they expect to compete with Top Rank Boxing and LIVE PD: 82 LIVE PD on A&E, soon.

"Our plan is a 10 year plan for the grandest spectacle in North American soccer to overtake regular season noon college basketball among the 25 to 54 male demographic in the distant future," stated Hendrickson.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as TV ratings continue to impress.

MLS Excel Spreadsheet Managers Ready To Move Theoretical Nagbe Compensation From Atlanta To Portland

NEW YORK - Excel spreadsheet managers for Major League Soccer confirmed that they are ready to move the theoretical Nagbe compensation of Targeted Allocation Money, General Allocation Money, an International Slot, two bushels of corn, a haypenny, and an Evenflo baby monitor from Atlanta United to the Portland Timbers via a very difficult Ctrl-X/Crtl-V command sequence.

Like this, but with people.

"We need to move this theoretical money that isn't actual money but is more like spreadsheet lines of virtual money that the league employs to help teams employ a salary structure that resembles a Rube Goldberg financial contraption," stated director of XY Spreadsheet columns Annie Rice. "In order for us to trade Nagbe from our Timbers business spreadsheet to our Atlanta spreadsheet we need to receive the proper instructions as to how much of the theoretical money will be compensated between the two organizations so that we can adjust the commas and dollar amounts correctly."

Rice stated that she will then notify her Timbers spreadsheet counterpart how much compensation the team has received for the player in order to instruct them as to the amount of money that they now have that they didn't have before, but that no one really had before, but that Atlanta had before even though they didn't really have it all in the first place because targeted allocation money isn't real money although... you know... what is money anyway..... man...... whoa.......

"Trust me, this isn't that confusing," stated Rice to The Nutmeg News. "You just need to understand that this is all just data, not money. We are moving data around."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the spreadsheet wizards complete another trade.