Major League Soccer Releases Columbus Crew Death Kit

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS), today, released the Columbus Crew death kit for their final 2019 season before they move to Austin.

The kit comes in funeral colors as the Crew Ownership and Major League Soccer quickly attempt to shovel dirt on the franchise in their attempt to move the team somewhere where they can be more profitable.

"The black color is an attempt to evoke death," stated Adidas kit designer Jesse Cabalero. "Major League Soccer said that we needed a somber kit reminiscent of a team heading off on a year long funeral procession and we delivered."

Fans say that the black kit is likely the most appropriate thing the league has done since they decided to screw every Crew fan in the world, over the past few years.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Crew switch their walk out song to The End by The Doors.