INTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup game if Nuclear war begins in Iran.

“We want to take this somber time to encourage the global spectacle of sport,” stated the leaked press release. “If you can cover the mushroom cloud with your thumb you have enough time to finish watching the game at Met Life stadium before running to a Coca-Cola Brand Fallout Shelter (TM).”

Sources say that FIFA has prepared a number of circumstances including one where the United States tries to take over 3/4ths of the countries in the world by the world cup and is essentially just playing itself multiple times.

“Come see the USA play the USA in the quarterfinals,” read another promotional ad-copy. “It’s your chance to see the USA finally make it to the semi finals of the world cup where they will take on the winner of USA vs USA”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when our publication is written and staffed by ghouls.