Fan Still Wondering When He Votes For USSF President

LOS ANGELES - Soccer fan David Hernandez admitted that he's been all riled up by the spurious rumors thrown around  regarding who is being paid off by whom in the US Soccer Federation presidential election; and he can't wait to vote on the matter as soon as someone explains how he goes about doing that.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you won't be able to do this, ever.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you won't be able to do this, ever.

"Journalists and fans are, apparently, unaware that they do not actually vote on the USSF presidential election," stated Cambridge fellow and Brooking's institute director of how they get that filling in Pop Tarts Henry Thomas. "There are so many reporters and faux-journalist bloggers talking about the election that they all forgot the simple fact that most of the people hearing these salacious rumors actually don't have the ability to vote in the election."

The truth of the matter aside, Hernandez stated that he was excited to participate in the election just as soon as he figures out how exactly a regular soccer fan votes.

"I'm excited for the possibility to overthrow the oligarchy and vote against the big interests, just like everyone's been tweeting about. I support Eric Wynalda and I'm going to cast my vote with the rest of my revolutionaries as soon as we figure out how the hell to do that."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hernandez and his friends just continue to post unending threads about the election on Twitter instead.