An anonymous player confirmed to The Nutmeg News that during the recent 2014 MLS Western Conference Finals between the Seattle Sounders and LA Galaxy that, "I had to poop the entire second half of the game."
The anonymous player said, "It happens more often than we like to admit. We are human just like everyone else, and every once in a while we don't realize that we need to go until we get out there. Then it is just 45 minutes of hoping that a slide tackle doesn't result in getting anything moving. It's a constant game, with your bowels, in that case.
In my particular case I forgot to go and had been drinking my pre-work shakes before the game. It just hit me right as the whistle blew and I knew... I just knew it was going to be a long half. Every long ball, every sprint, every 50/50 challenge was another level of agony as I kept my sphincter under control.
Around the 75th minute we made a change and I was just praying that it was for me so I could go down the tunnel, but the boss kept me on. At this point my colon was a heaving ship, with all men jumping overboard. I just had to put my head down and focus. I will admit that there was a time around the 81st minute when the pressure in my butt was so great that I was creating diamonds and I thought to myself, 'I'll just get sent off. This isn't worth it'. But I stuck with it and was rewarded, in the end. I finished the game out and trotted off the field, no pun intended."
When The Nutmeg News asked if this anonymous player now plans on making a during the half poop a new tradition he responded, "Absolutely. I now go before, during, after, any time I can. It may have been difficult to play with that feeling, but real men poop before they work, not during."
