Major League Soccer To Unveil Heineken Hooligan Week

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer has announced an expansion to Heineken Rivalry Week for 2016 called Heineken Hooligan Week. The press release is as follows

"Major League Soccer and Heineken invite both you and your firm to show up and bust some heads in and out of the stands during rivalry week.

RFID tags will be given to registered firms with the ability to allow members to identify between petty violence, full scale battles in the street, and beating someone one-on-one.

Hooligans will get points for a variety of challenges such as 'beat a fellow supporter with a food cart sign inside the stadium' and 'evade the cops while filming it happening and tweet about it using an ACAB hashtag without getting thrown out'. 

Firms, casuals, and terrace boys will also have the opportunity to compete in our 2016 Hardest Crew pose off. There will also be scavanger hunts organized that lead to opposing teams banners that you can then steal and not give back.

 100 point would be awarded to these Heineken Branded Hooligans who say, stealing is thirsty work, drink Heineken and then steal.

100 point would be awarded to these Heineken Branded Hooligans who say, stealing is thirsty work, drink Heineken and then steal.

MLS will also have an awards ceremony at the end of the Heineken Hooligan Week for the coveted Heineken Golden Douchebag Award, given to the fans who set the worst example of living humanity possible. Up for consideration in 2015 would have been this group of fans from NYCFC v RBNY. In 2016, this group of Heineken Golden Douchebags could be YOU!

As always, we here at Major League Soccer along with our partner Heineken would like to remind you to consume Heineken and soccer responsibly. To do so we will intentionally try to inflame the idiocy of the common man by conflating their sporting interests with dire pitched battles that will hopefully result in someone leaving the field of battle in front of a Gastro Pub in Newark with blood on their hands. 

Heineken Hooligan Week 2016! We hope it will be a rousing success. 

#WhoAreaYa #HooligansForMLS #ACABroughtToYouByHeineken"

The Nutmeg News reached out to Major League Soccer for comment but were directed to watch a Danny Dyer episode of "The Real Football Hooligans - Midlands Edition".