Dayton, OH - New Aston Villa fan Wesley Post was firmly convinced of the superiority of his arbitrarily picked team after they obtained a victory over Bournemouth, a location he didn't even know existed, on the opening weekend of the Premier League.
"I know that Villa is better than Bournemouth. Always has been, always will be. I don't exactly know WHY they are better, but they just are. I don't know a Bournemouth fan, but I assume they are dicks. I mean, this feeling I have right now is exactly why I picked Aston Villa out of the hat before the season began as a team that I would support because I was bored with Baseball and needed something to occupy my time until the National Football League (NFL) comes back on." said a giddy Mr Post.
"The superiority of Villa can be boiled down to two things. #1 I support them and they are great and #2 They have an American playing for them. These two things mean that they are great and will continue to be great. I'm already planning a tattoo for the time when Aston Villa win whatever the hell competition they are in right now."
While Mr Post's braggadocio could be written down as pure drunken bravado, the same can not be said for the despondent Steven Argus of New Rochelle, New York, a fan who arbitrarily picked Bournemouth as his Premier League team of the season. "I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Clearly Bournemouth are terrible. I'm already trying to figure out if I can just switch over to the Manchester United or the City. No one should support Bournemouth if they aren't going to win every game. I just randomly picked this team because I liked the name. Turns out they are crap. I need something better. I'm going to just fling my loyalty on over to the next big team that wins so I can actually celebrate something for once."