Mexican-Americans Admit, "We Will Just Reflexively Buy Tickets For Any Crappy Soccer Game"

Representatives of the Mexican-American community released a statement on Thursday detailing some things they felt they needed to clear up.

"We finally admit it. Yes, we will just reflexively buy tickets and turn out for any team playing soccer anywhere whether it is awful play or not."

The Nutmeg News spoke to spokesman Carlos Rosales about this issue.

"Major League Soccer had it right all along, to be honest. We just instinctively turn out for any old game of soccer that professionals or semi-professionals are playing if it is within a 100 mile radius of us. They don't need to be good teams, or interesting teams, or culturally connected teams, or teams that are representative of our city with regards to giving us pride in our community. They just need to exist and boom, ticket sales.

I mean, my dad rooted for Pachuca, and his dad rooted for Pachuca, and his dad rooted for Pachuca; but as soon as I heard about Chivas USA I was fully on board abandoning the entirety of my families tradition of rooting for a club for nearly 110 years for a new branded club that is owned by a team and owner that most fans of teams in the Primera hate. I mean, we are Mexican so naturally we immediately realized that we support the concept of soccer more than just a team and we all just turned out for the club even though they were a dumpster fire of inadequacy. Every Mexican-American in Los Angeles wanted to turn out to a mostly empty stadium with horrible players, terrible play, poor referees and a heavy amount of appropriation and pandering to our social group."

 The tequila helps the referees and play in MLS become tolerable.

The tequila helps the referees and play in MLS become tolerable.

The Nutmeg News also spoke to Paul Madrigal from Dallas, TX about this unusual trait.

"Absolutely, Carlos is right. We here in Dallas have been showing it all along. After all, every Mexican-American, Latino, and Hispanic family in the Dallas area was just sitting around the television watching Univision and waiting for FC Dallas to arrive. We just needed a team to fill our lives because it is almost impossible that we all had some other futbol team that we were following for the last 40 or 50 years that plays in a league better than Major League Soccer with a more accessible television deal and appropriate language commentary.

Honestly, you could just plop down 11 players in a terrible field on a toll road outside Dallas, and build the stadium facing the wrong direction with no roof so the 110 degree summers bake us and we will be just fine with all this.

Hell, just plop down 11 players and call them Gorditos FC sponsored by Taco Bell and we will turn up. That's what MLS knows. We are just a captive audience waiting to be utilized. Literal walking wallets that bend to wherever a ball is being kicked.

I mean, supporting these teams is a way of connecting to our culture like MLS and Mexican National Team branded tequila, Bud Light Chelada and MLS branded Bimbo bread. That's why everyone I know is excited about Los Angeles FC. It's another soccer team on which we can spend money."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this trend as it happens.