Having Done Absolutely Zero In-Depth Research, Reporter Mystified By Protests

Dallas, TX - Reporter and part-time internet blogger David Thornberry boldly stated on twitter that he just didn't understand why fans were protesting in Dallas recently, given that the team was winning. 

"I'll admit, I just don't have a clue what is going on there. I didn't keep abreast of any of the scandals they had, of any of the issues with attendance or really anything else. I just saw a clip that said the fans were frustrated and I think Dallas is doing well? I don't really know. Honestly, I barely have time to watch the games right now as I'm too busy trying to move into my new house."

Thornberry said that he typically thinks of the fans as ill informed malcontents who would do anything to get attention, but he did say that he could see both sides of the issue.

"The fans want, um.... something. I think it's lower prices, or higher prices, or more winning. I don't know, but they want something. So they act like spoiled children and it's up to the Hunt's to sort them out. I mean, honestly, it's only soccer. Despite having based my entire career and living around being mostly dedicated to covering the game, it is my duty to tell you, the fan,  that you are taking everything too seriously and that you shouldn't do the same as me."

Thornberry admitted that he never has had a season ticket to cover FC Dallas or any other MLS team, but he said that this wouldn't impact his viewpoint.

"The fan is merely a customer of the front office. They, the front office, bestow upon us the ability to buy tickets, and then we do. It's a delicate balance that one shouldn't complain about. I mean, if they sell tickets for ... I don't know... like 100 bucks or something, then you pay 100 bucks or you don't go to the game. Fandom is cheap, supporters are even more-so in my opinion. Despite my thousands of followers on twitter and the tens of readers at the newspaper, it isn't in my best interest to be accurate and investigate things. I just like to shoot from the hip, that's what the kids love these days."

The Nutmeg News will have more information on this as it happens in Chicago and Philadelphia.