NWSL Issues Press Release Stating, "It Is Still, Currently, Illegal To Grab Our Players By The Pussy"

BREAKING NEWS: The National Women's Soccer League (NWSL), today, issued a press released stating that, "It is still, currently, federally illegal to grab our players by the pussy or to kiss them without their permission."

The Nutmeg News is able to print the full press release below.

"With the nationwide election of Donald Trump, the National Women's Soccer League needs to clarify that despite his previous comments about his predilection to sexually abuse women, that grabbing our players by the vagina or kissing them without their permission is still not allowed and will be punished under the current statutes. The NWSL will update their rules of player conduct and interaction with the general public when and if these rules change, but please understand that you, the fan or the President of the United States, are still currently prohibited from sexually assaulting our players.

Thank you,

Jeff Plush"

Early Exit Polls Indicate Your Team Sucks

Early exit polls from the 2016 United States general election indicate that your team, specifically, really sucks.

YES, this includes your team.

Data acquired from embedded Nutmeg News reporters at strategic locations in upper Pennsylvania, lower Ohio and Tallahassee indicate that definitively all voters have emerged from the voting booth with the singular thought that your team sucks, and specifically they don't like that player on your team either.

"I could do without your team," stated voter Lance Bangs of Chippewa Falls, WI (a location where we didn't even send anyone but where a reporter of ours was stranded after we refused to pay his per diem to get out of the state). "I don't like them at all. Your team sucks. High scarf sales for my team are leading indicators that your team sucks."

Reportedly, fans were relatively ambivalent about that OTHER team, but they definitely didn't like your team. Over 100% of voters interviewed by our reporters indicated that they specifically don't like any team that recently won a championship, played a playoff game, or represented any city with a vowel in the name.

"Yeah.... I voted, whats your team? Oh, well, it doesn't matter... they suck," stated Mark Burch of Lower Uncton, Ohio. "We all know that these results are rigged by the elites led by Garber himself pulling the strings."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as our reporters continue to file their stories from the precincts as voting continues.

USL Team Representative's Entire Wardrobe Consists Of Team Branded Clothing

Richmond, VA - Richmond Kickers team representative Wes Olsen came to the recent revelation that his entire wardrobe consists of team branded clothing as he departed the USL Operations  & Sales Summit in San Antonio, TX. 

"Does anyone at this table remember what it was like to NOT wear team branded clothing?"

"I realized that nearly every single piece of clothing that I brought with me was emblazoned with the Kickers logo," stated Olsen to The Nutmeg News on Tuesday. "Even the other other clothing I brought had team logos on it as well. I even have wind breaker pants with the Kickers logo on it."

Reportedly, Olsen can't remember the last time that he dressed in anything but a Kickers polo with a Kickers jacket and a pair of Adidas that he purchase through the connections with the Kickers.

"It's crazy. My entire closet is nothing but team emblazoned merchandise for the Kickers and the stuff that isn't Kickers clothes are the old company polo shirts that I had left over from my last job. I'm not even certain if I could go to a USL symposium without wearing my Kickers gear. It would stand out too much to just wear a suit!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Olsen cobbles together a pair of Corduroy pants and a t-shirt from Aeropostale as his break day clothing.

Unpatriotic Canadian Soccer Fan Refuses To Vote In US Presidential Election

VANCOUVER - Canadian soccer fan Veronika Maplethorp reportedly posted a joking tweet that she would not be voting in the United States presidential election confounding the thousands of people from the United States that follow her for her quick quips on soccer while remaining completely unaware that she is Canadian despite Maplethorp having this information in her Twitter profile.

"You have WHO running for president?"

"YOU UNPATRIOTIC SHIT! GO AND VOTE," stated @RelegationNOW, a twitter account set up by soccer fan Hank Plasco of Bremerton, WA who was reportedly unaware after a year of following her account that Ms. Maplethorp is actually Canadian.

"It's people like you that give millennials a bad name!" stated @NationalsWADC who started following Ms. Maplethorp because he saw a friend re-tweet her joking post about not voting in the general election.

"Another young person taking advantage of the system, you are a disappointment to this great country and a leech upon the system. My brother did not die in Vietnam for this," stated @Retired1965 who started following Ms. Maplethorp's account in hope of more candid bikini shots from her sun soaked adventure to Aruba.

According to friends, Ms. Maplethorp was very confused that many of her followers were unaware that she was Canadian, but that she was determined to troll those who were slating her for not voting.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ms. Maplethorp photoshops herself into a picture with three ballots, two guns and a picture caption of "DONALD TRUMP, YA'LL".

New England Revolution Fan Excited To Ask Question That Won't Be Answered On Bilello AMA

Waltham, MA - New England Revolution fan Kwame Gregory admitted that he was very excited to ask a question that won't be answered during New England Revolution President Brian Bilello's Ask Me Anything on Reddit, Tuesday.

A golden opportunity to be snubbed.

"It's going to be great, I'm going to hit him right where it hurts only to watch my post get downvoted and Bilello to never answer," stated Gregory to The Nutmeg News on Monday. "I don't know whether to ask him about a stadium plan that isn't happening, or Designated Players that they won't be signing, or maybe I can just ask whether they are going to finally fire Jay Heaps."

According to Gregory, this AMA gives him the opportunity to really ask a question that all New England Revolution fans want to see answered but also know that will never be answered because Bilello isn't going to confirm or deny anything really controversial during this AMA.

"There are so many opportunities! I could just ask a really interesting question about how much the ownership of the team actually values the team, and whether they really want to find a way to contribute to building something that isn't just an extra source of income when the Patriots aren't playing. Either way, I'm very excited to be ignored and not have any resolution tomorrow."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Gregory forgets what time the AMA is and logs in to find that Bilello answered 5 questions about "the state of the league and who will win MLS cup" before leaving.

"New York Is Green," Claim Proud New York Cosmos As They Prepare For Soccer Bowl in 2700 Capacity Belson Stadium

NEW YORK - The New York Cosmos claimed soccer primacy in New York City as they prepare to play Indy Eleven in Soccer Bowl 2016 at 2700 person capacity Belson Stadium on Sunday, November 13th.

2016 Soccer Bowl Venue

The bouncy castle will go right next to the light pole.

"We are premier club in New York City and if there are enough ticket sales for the NASL Championship we will consider expanding the Belson capacity to 5000," stated the Cosmos Press Release.

"As the only New York based soccer club to make it to their championship game we are proud to represent the five boroughs and all the outlying areas of the New York area. We sincerely hope that there is enough interest in the game to sell out and we are offering a buy one get one free for Soccer Bowl to hopefully get a great crowd out to watch the league final."

Reportedly, the Cosmos are excited at the opportunity to once again play in front of their home crowd, albeit at Belson Stadium in Queens instead of their usual stomping grounds at Hofstra University. Insider sources for the Cosmos stated to The Nutmeg News that, "at least there won't be a chance of any multisport markings on the field this time."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Cosmos try to balance the ticket requests with their investigated bids for what it will take to put in a temporary grandstand and a portable foodcourt with porta potties for Soccer Bowl 2016.

Don Garber Announces Last Chance Playoff Series Featuring RBNY And NYCFC

NEW YORK - With both New York teams and the Los Angeles Galaxy knocked out in the same day as well as two Canadian teams making it to the Eastern Conference finals, Don Garber was reportedly unabashedly furious on Monday morning during a conference call with league executives as he announced his plans for a last chance playoff series that would have the winner face off against the "winner" of MLS Cup for the ultimate bragging rights of the official MLS Cup winner.

We are getting a NYC team into MLS Cup Final even if we have to have two MLS Cup Finals.

"WE DIDN'T MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH TO GET NYCFC INTO THIS LEAGUE TO BE LEFT WITH COLORADO AND MONTREAL AS A POSSIBLE WINNER," ranted Garber into a stationary speakerphone as he walked around the office tugging on his suspenders and practicing his putting. 

Commissioner Garber then announced his plans to allow Red Bull New York (RBNY) and New York City Football Club (NYCFC) to play against each other in a winner take all advancement game hosted at Giants Stadium to get back in the playoffs and play the winner of the MLS Cup Finals on January 1, 2017 to once and all determine the ACTUAL MLS Cup winner for 2016.

"No fan control, open stadium, no stewards! Come watch the blood in the stands and the passion on the field! ANYTHING GOES!"

Reportedly Garber was exploring every possible means of making the final rounds of playoffs more interesting to the casual fans in the United States which includes possibly working on his earlier plans to annex Ontario, Quebec and British Columbia.

Then, inspiration struck as Garber stated, "I realized that the playoffs are just an artificial construct anyway. So why not have a last chance saloon that allows eliminated teams a chance to get back into the playoffs in the final. It just so happens that it is two NYC teams."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as RBNY and NYCFC get ready for their play-in game.

Theo Epstein Admits, "Even I Couldn't Get The Red Bulls A Championship"

CHICAGO - In a candid interview with Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstien, the World Series winning general manager of both the Red Sox and the Chicago Cubs admitted that even he couldn't get the New York Red Bulls a championship in a collection of remarks on Monday morning.

"Bradley Wright Phillips is great but he is no Aroldis Chapman."

"I broke the streak for both the Cubs and the Red Sox, but I don't think anyone is going to be able to break the curse on the Red Bulls," stated Epstein to The Nutmeg News. "There's some kind of hoodoo, upon voodoo, upon that thing that they do that is just going to be impossible to crack."

Reportedly, Epstein eyed the New York Red Bulls as his next vanity project, but quickly realized that the stuff that haunts them is stronger than Bill Buckner and a Billy Goat. 

"They don't say, 'that's so metro,' for no reason. With the salary cap and rule restrictions in place from the league you would have to be clinically insane to think that you could pull this off."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Red Bull prepare for a championship..... NEXT  year.

Speaking At The Michigan Sport Business Conference, Don Garber Illuminates His Plan For MLS Becoming The Best

Ann Arbor, MI - Speaking at the Michigan Sport Business Conference at the University of Michigan's Stephen M. Ross School of Business, Don Garber stated his foolproof plan to become the best league in the world in 10 years time.

We can be the BEST consumers. The highest consumers. The greatest consumers in the world. Everyone Consume! CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUMECONSUME CONSUMECONSUMECONSUME CONSUME CONSUME CONSUMECONSUMECONSUMECONSUMECONSUMECONSUME -- Is anyone else now reading this as Consommé? Ok, who is hungry now for some soup?

"I know this league, we can make it great, we can make it the best league, it will be a great league, it's a league that is great, and in 10 years time we will be the BEST league," stated Garber to an enraptured collection of nerds.

Reportedly, Garber's detailed fixes for the league were laid out in point blank style as he indicated what Major League Soccer needs to do in order to achieve the best status.

#1 Everyone Stands For The Anthem

Garber stated that everyone will always stand for our national anthem, especially if they aren't American, ESPECIALLY if they are Canadian, because there's absolutely no reason to think about it. Also, Garber advised to drink Budweiser, Heineken and drive an Audi.

#2 Oh Hell NO, on Promotion/Relegation

Garber announced that MLS will lead the world in consumerism, and relegation is counter to that attempt to be the best at consumerism.

#3 E-SPORTS IS THE FUTURE OF MLS.

The Commissioner of Major League Soccer then closed out his remarks with his final statement.

"This is the best, but we can be the best, in 10 years time. Everyone knows we can be the best, so lets be the best, and if we want to say we are the greatest, then we are. NO ONE ASK ABOUT FUCKING MIAMI OR I WILL CUT YOU!

THE BEST!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Don Garber leads the crowd in an impromptu version of God Bless America.

Drogba Sightings Continue Unabated In Montreal As Scientists Baffled

MONTREAL - Sightings of the mythical Drobga continued unabated as scientists with the crytpo-zoology department of the Université de Montréal confirmed they were looking into the supposedly non-existent striker.

Disputed footage of a Drogba in his natural kit.

"I saw him in the woods! I SAW HIM IN THE WOODS," yelled Impact midfielder Ignacio Piatti to disbelieving teammates at practice on Thursday. "IT was real. It was really him. I know it."

Expert in crytpo-zoology, Frederic Baker Montroy, indicated that there have even been reports of a roaming Drogba in the city as he states, "It is truly baffling. We've never seen this level of reporting about a man that we consider to be mythical. It would be something if we would see the Drogba in his natural habitat on the soccer field, but other than old rumors of times from long ago, we haven't seen a real Drogba in some time."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a man captures grainy footage of a Drogba practicing at Stade Saputo.

OPINION: "Have You Ever Watched A Barcelona Game On Mushrooms With The Audio Synced To The Dark Side Of the Moon, Man?"

The Nutmeg News prints opinion pieces from local contributors, at select times. Today's opinion piece comes from Stormwind Isildur of Raleigh, NC. The viewpoints and opinions of Mr. Isildurdo not necessarily reflect the viewpoints and opinions of The Nutmeg News.

"Have you ever watched a Barcelona game on mushrooms with the audio synced to The Dark Side Of The Moon, Man?

Have you? Like, Messi's kicks are made out of pure energy, and the flow of the universe tells us that the ball will roll effortlessly across blades of grass made of undulating cymbals. 

Neymar is like truth bombs descending from Gaya's womb that eats away at the cynicism of the world.

The noise of the crowd is the transformation of gazelles and baying lions crowding around for the death of the man with the ball, and the noise that comes from their mouth is the shutting sound of the dreams of millions, man.

You can also really see the work of a modern trequartista floating between the lines of attack, man, and the impact this has on the fullbacks pushing up the field delivering service. Also, I think that Busquets is pretty solid at times, despite being cynical.

When Roger Waters sings

'New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team' 

in Money it absolutely lines up with the times that Suarez, Neymar and Messi combine to create in the front line. Like, look at it man, it makes complete sense.

Trust me, bro. You gotta do this and the first time you do, you really gotta take a high dose. Let's just watch some Barcelona and take a trip. I've got some some tea , a vinyl copy of Venus In Furs, and a DVR'd recording of Real Madrid v Barcelona. Lets get wicked."

Emergency Meeting Called As Fire Desperately Try To Figure Out Any Way To Tie Themselves To The Cubs

CHICAGO - Fire executives reportedly called an emergency meeting to see if there is anything else that they can do to tie themselves to the Chicago Cubs with the Cubs the 2016 Major League Baseball Champions.

"We already sent a tweet, what more can we do?!" exclaimed general manager Nelson Rodriguez to a room full of Fire executives and a laminated cut-out of Andrew Hauptman.

"Let's figure out if we can legally run our own Cubs merchandise in some kind of Cubs/Fire mashup, tell the scarf department to whip up a Chicago Cub/Chicago Fire City Of Champions scarf, and then someone .... anyone.... get Joe Maddon to deliver the first ball of the season for us. Tell him we will even split the cost of an Uber ride out to Bridgeview."

Reportedly, the Fire have even gone so far as to see if they can call themselves the Chicago Cubs Fire for next season stating, "It would really tie the communities together."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as more Rodriguez states that no one is leaving the room until they come up with 10 more ways they can tie both clubs together.

IT Help Desk Employee Brings Down Company Network After Streaming All 8 UEFA Champions League Games

LOS ANGELES - IT help desk employee Jason Harbottle reportedly brought down the entirety of his companies network after streaming all 8 UEFA Champion's League games on 8 different monitors in the repair room at lunch time.

No one cares about your monitoring queues! ZAGREB!

"What the hell is a København and why is it pushing us above our allotted bandwidth?!" stated IT Security Manager and the only person that updates the company Visio document, Arthur Horton. "Manufacturing can't get to their supply database! We are leaking money because of Dinamo Zagreb?"

Reportedly, Harbottle thought that no one would notice him taking over the flotilla of computer monitors set up to diagnose tech problems on company computers and rigging them up to broadcast each and every game concurrently.

"They still let Reddit through the web monitor, I didn't think they would care!" ranted Harbottle on his twitter feed. "This is some bullshit. It's only lunch, it's not like it's the end of the world. Screw CIO Facetime. This is clearly more important."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this after learning that Harbottle quickly setup a private VPN server so that he could bypass the company firewall to connect to bet365 and stream games without getting caught in the future.

Soccer Fan Was Unaware That 99% Of His Soccer Twitter Feed Are Cubs Fans

Madison, WI - Soccer fan Quincy Talari was reportedly unaware that 99% of his soccer Twitter feed are Chicago Cubs fans as he noticed a massive increase of baseball talk creeping into his soccer stratosphere over the past month.

"I'm very certain that a vast majority of you were Red Sox fans a few years ago."

"My brother in law Doug.... he is apparently a Cubs fan. I had no clue. None. I've known Doug for 15 years," stated Talari to his wife Emma. "Even @powerliftandsoccer is apparently a Cubs fan. Every single person on my feed is seemingly a Cubs fan. I have no idea how this happened without me knowing about it."

Talari carefully curated his list of accounts that he follows on Twitter to ensure that he gets quality soccer talk but somehow, despite his best efforts, he has been exposed repeatedly to rampant World Series talk despite the variety of accounts that he follows.

"Even @NYSoccerGuy is apparently a Cubs fan. Instead of breaking down the Arsenal champions league game yesterday he spent most of the day talking about whether the Cubbies could force a game 7. And of all the people, @SoccerWavesInLa is also apparently a Cubs fan. She spent most of last evening live tweeting the game. My god, I didn't really have a clue."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Talari intentionally avoids game 7 in hopes that his timeline will return to normal in 24 hours.

Gerald Henderson From Elko, Nevada Nominated For MLS Newcomer Of The Year Award

Elko, NV - The town of Elko is buzzing after local septuagenarian Gerald Henderson was added to the list of prospective winners for Major League Soccer's Newcomer Of The Year award.

What is an offsides?

Henderson, who previously had not shown a single interest in soccer, was sucked into the last two weeks of Major League Soccer when he became bored with the NFL and decided that he wasn't going to get up to change the channel when an MLS game was broadcast on ESPN.

"Why, I never was understanding that soccer thing before, but it passes the time til all of our inevitable deaths," stated Henderson to The Nutmeg News on Tuesday. "We are all fleeting, ephemeral peoples who are slowly descending into madness and I actually have an appointment for a colonoscopy on Friday so I'm really just hoping that I'll be in shape to watch the playoff games this weekend."

As a coveted demographic of Major League Soccer outside the norm of 22 year old men and women discovering their drinking shoes for the first time, Henderson was nominated for the honor by the front office of Major League Soccer.

"He's the first person over the age of 70 in the state of Nevada to watch an MLS game," stated Mark Abbot, president of Major League Soccer. "For this reason alone he is the newcomer of the year. I hope to see him bringing on more of his friends in the future."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Henderson defeats Ola Kamara and Nicolas Lodeiro to claim his prize.

10 Years Of Soccer From David Albelda To David Villa To David Luiz Leaves Man Unable To Say David Correctly

Charleston, SC - Soccer fan James Smith admitted that 10 years of watching European soccer with players like David Albelda, David Silva, David Luiz and David Villa has left him unable to pronounce the word David as anything but Dah-Vid.

"It's Bahlenthia!"

"My friend David Anderson won't let me forget this is the case. I can't even say HIS name anymore and when I tried to just give him a nickname he wouldn't accept it," stated Mr. Smith to The Nutmeg News on Tuesday. 

"This whole thing started with casually watching soccer on the weekend. If I knew what I know now... oh god...I just wish I could say David the right way!"

Our reporter asked Mr Smith who his favorite baseball player is and he stated, "Dahvid Ortiz. You know.. Big Papá"

Smith finished his interview by screaming, "DAH-VID... DAH-VID... DAHVID," before running into the street screaming unintelligible curses and the word "Aluminium".

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Smith just decides that he gets to say Dahvid before it was cool.

Procrastinating Soccer Fan Goes As Soccer Fan For Halloween

Kansas City, KS - Procrastinating soccer fan Ashely Iswale finally caved to the pressure of the ticking clock and decided to go as a soccer fan for Halloween as she donned every scarf and piece of team gear she had in her closet.

ALL THE GEAR.... ALL OF IT.

"I couldn't think of anything to dress up as for this Halloween. I wasn't going to be Harley Quinn, and I was a lego person last year, and look...... I just couldn't think of anything I really wanted to do, this season," stated Iswale to The Nutmeg News. 

Reportedly, Iswale rooted through her closet for every single piece of clothing and wearable memorabilia related to Sporting Kansas City and the Kansas City Wizards that she could wear as she drenched herself in gear.

"I put on a throwback Jimmy Conrad Wizards kit, a SKC long sleeve t-shirt under that, a SKC Windbreaker, SKC pants, four scarves, a headband that i found in the Cauldron,  and even a branded SKC drink coozy," stated Iswale. 

Even Iswale admitted to being surprised by how much branded Kansas City soccer gear she had in her closet, but according to her Facebook status, "it did make my decision easier."

"I'm not certain when I got to the point when I could dress all in my team's gear from head to toe, but at this point I'm just happy I have something I can go as for Halloween without having to spend any additional money."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Iswale runs into her friend Carla Crowdin who decided to go full kit wanker.

D.C. United Announce Plans To Keep Ben Olsen And Flame Out Of Playoffs In 2017

WASHINGTON - D.C. United ownership, today, announced their 2017 plans to keep Ben Olsen as head coach and flame out of the playoffs in the first round again detailing an explicit plan to keep TRADITION alive as they announce new stadium renderings in the coming year.

Five more years of Bennyball! And more gloves! WAY MORE GLOVES!

"With Ben, we plan on keeping our commitment to playing poorly through most of the year, catching fire, making the playoffs, then failing to advance," stated United owner Erick Thohir. "It's important to our motto of TRADITION to keep the consistency of the past few years alive, and we feel that Ben is the best way for us to keep this playoffs thing on the cheap going."

Reportedly, the ownership of D.C. United are more concerned about their efforts to actually have a stadium in a few years, so how the team plays is not being prioritized.

"We just need to get through this construction phase, and then we will be concerned about selling season tickets. Making the playoffs is nice, but at this point we just need the team to exist for a few more years before we come back to the whole, 'winning in the playoffs,' business."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the TNN Curse (TM) catches Olsen.

OPINION: Models Of Consistency, PRO Keep Same Regular Season Standards During Playoffs

The Nutmeg News prints opinion pieces from local contributors, at select times. Today's opinion comes from Thomas Zubaj of New York City, NY. The viewpoints and opinions of Mr. Zubaj do not necessarily reflect the viewpoints and opinions of The Nutmeg News.

We must talk, Mr. Vermes. You are wrong. If we can all agree on anything it is that MLS referees the league over have kept their incredibly low standard of execution as the regular season moved into the playoffs.

Why would they apologize for something they consistently do on a game by game basis nearly every single week during the regular season?

While correctly disallowing an offside Matt Besler goal and incorrectly letting in an offside Nelson Valdez headed goal, PRO again showed that they are dedicated to keeping the same level of commitment shown during the regular season where they wandered around on the field with the manic intensity of a titmouse.

All fans the league over can commend PRO for continuing to miss calls with the same level of execution that they do during the regular season. 

If anything, PRO and MLS should be praised for finally finding the level of consistent inconsistency with the referees that adjudicate their games. Everyone now knows that the referee and linesmen in any game are going to be complete shit in nearly every game, so much so that it surprises each and every one of us when the referees are good! 

I can tell you that you are wrong, Mr. Vermes, because PRO is a model of inefficiency and inconsistency. They owe you no apology, because if they started apologizing for every time they screwed up  we would never get the next playoff game started and I can't wait to watch my beloved Red Bulls fall victim to their horrible game management and inequitable calls.

Sincerely and affectionately yours,

Thomas Zubaj

New York

Fans Of Winning Team Shocked That Fans Of Losing Team Disagree With Game Result

Seattle, WA - Fans of the Seattle Sounders were reportedly shocked that fans of Sporting Kansas City disagreed with their assessment of the controversial calls and end result of the Seattle Sounders - Sporting Kansas City playoff game.

It's only offside if you count his head, and his feet, and well, nearly everything.

"They think they shoulda won? WHAT?! How is that even possible," stated Bill Stevens from Tacoma. "Next thing you are going to tell me, they are going to disagree with the calls in the game. This is PREPOSTEROUS!"

After the hard fought 1-0 win for the Sounders advanced them to the next round of the playoffs, Sporting Kansas City fans were upset regarding a number of calls during the game that would directly have impacted the result of the game overall including a called back goal, a missing second yellow card and an offside goal by Nelson Valdez. 

It appears, though, that the civility of modern life is now torn asunder as fans of SKC vehemently disagree with fans of the Sounders that the Sounders should have won the game.

"How can we live as a society if SKC fans and Sounders fans disagree over the result of this game," stated Monica Gonzalez from Federal Way. "This is an indictment on our fast-paced social media and instant gratification society. It just reinforces why I now home school my kids and don't give them vaccinations."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as different fans from different teams find that they don't agree on anything!