Mexican-Americans Admit, "We Will Just Reflexively Buy Tickets For Any Crappy Soccer Game"

Representatives of the Mexican-American community released a statement on Thursday detailing some things they felt they needed to clear up.

"We finally admit it. Yes, we will just reflexively buy tickets and turn out for any team playing soccer anywhere whether it is awful play or not."

The Nutmeg News spoke to spokesman Carlos Rosales about this issue.

"Major League Soccer had it right all along, to be honest. We just instinctively turn out for any old game of soccer that professionals or semi-professionals are playing if it is within a 100 mile radius of us. They don't need to be good teams, or interesting teams, or culturally connected teams, or teams that are representative of our city with regards to giving us pride in our community. They just need to exist and boom, ticket sales.

I mean, my dad rooted for Pachuca, and his dad rooted for Pachuca, and his dad rooted for Pachuca; but as soon as I heard about Chivas USA I was fully on board abandoning the entirety of my families tradition of rooting for a club for nearly 110 years for a new branded club that is owned by a team and owner that most fans of teams in the Primera hate. I mean, we are Mexican so naturally we immediately realized that we support the concept of soccer more than just a team and we all just turned out for the club even though they were a dumpster fire of inadequacy. Every Mexican-American in Los Angeles wanted to turn out to a mostly empty stadium with horrible players, terrible play, poor referees and a heavy amount of appropriation and pandering to our social group."

The tequila helps the referees and play in MLS become tolerable.

The Nutmeg News also spoke to Paul Madrigal from Dallas, TX about this unusual trait.

"Absolutely, Carlos is right. We here in Dallas have been showing it all along. After all, every Mexican-American, Latino, and Hispanic family in the Dallas area was just sitting around the television watching Univision and waiting for FC Dallas to arrive. We just needed a team to fill our lives because it is almost impossible that we all had some other futbol team that we were following for the last 40 or 50 years that plays in a league better than Major League Soccer with a more accessible television deal and appropriate language commentary.

Honestly, you could just plop down 11 players in a terrible field on a toll road outside Dallas, and build the stadium facing the wrong direction with no roof so the 110 degree summers bake us and we will be just fine with all this.

Hell, just plop down 11 players and call them Gorditos FC sponsored by Taco Bell and we will turn up. That's what MLS knows. We are just a captive audience waiting to be utilized. Literal walking wallets that bend to wherever a ball is being kicked.

I mean, supporting these teams is a way of connecting to our culture like MLS and Mexican National Team branded tequila, Bud Light Chelada and MLS branded Bimbo bread. That's why everyone I know is excited about Los Angeles FC. It's another soccer team on which we can spend money."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this trend as it happens.

Rec League Roundup: "Hey, I'm going up top."

Rec League Roundup publishes anonymous letters written by players in local recreational soccer leagues.

Hey buddy? I'm going up top. Yep, that's right.

Look, I appreciate that you and I have been playing defense together for the past 15 minutes. I appreciate that we have done a decent enough job stifling the wave of attacks that are coming at us from all angles by this team that is absolutely more fit and more practiced than our team. 

The real truth of the matter is that I'm getting a bit bored.

You see, I didn't want to be a centerback. I didn't join this rec league team two weeks after the season started to sit back here and stop people from running at our poor keeper. I didn't complain and moan about not having the number 9 kit until I made Steven give it up because I just wanted the number. I joined this team because I wanted to play up top and score goals.

Never you mind that I'm not fit enough to run past the defenders that they have. Never mind that I have the touch of an anvil. Never mind that I actually haven't scored a goal since I last played forward during my sophomore year of high-school 15 years ago. That isn't going to stop me.

I'm going up top and there isn't a single thing you can do about it. Not your wild entreaties, nor your arms raised while saying "WHAT THE FUCK, NEAL?!" Not even the fact that the time I decided to just say "screw it" and run for the front of the formation happened at a time when our midfield turned over the ball and now you have roughly 6 guys running at you as the only defender left actually playing defense anymore.

Nope, I'm going up top. I paid my money and I play where I want. Look, this defense shit is for the birds. If you are stupid enough to stay back there and actually try to play competent defense, well that is on you. 

Honestly, we all know that you will have way more fun trying to stop the steaming flood of attackers that will now pepper our keeper with shots and goals that will make him so mad that he starts thinking about quitting in the 75th minute of the game. And when that keeper quits? It's up to you to don the gloves.... Why? Because I'm going UP TOP.

Eredivisie Games On Univision Deportes Push Man To Watch Austrian Bundesliga

Charleston, SC - Soccer fan and blooming trendsetter Joshua Harden revealed to friends that his social safe haven of watching Eredivisie games from terrible web streams at awkward times was over. 

"I thought I had a league all to my own, but then people told me that they were watching ADO Den Haag versus PSV Eindhoven on Univision Deportes and my world caved in. I cannot be a trendsetter if I am watching the same leagues as everyone else. So I dropped my burgeoning interest in PSV and switched over to watching the Österreichische Fußball-Bundesliga, or as you call it the Austrian Bundesliga. At least with that league I know that they aren't being broadcast in the United States."

Harden stated that his friends depend on him to be at the forefront of new cultural ideas and that his ability to intermittently watch games at 4:00 in the morning streamed over websites designed to steal your credit card number is his way of informing people about what is going to be important soon but not now.

"I'm the taste maker, I'm the man who told all my friends about St Pauli and Dortmund before they became bloated sell outs. I'm the man who will tell you now about....." Harden frantically checked Wikipedia... "the evils of Red Bull Salzburg and the difficulties of the fans in the Österreichische Fußball-Bundesliga that you should care about right now."

Mr Harden then became animated talking about his new club that had a great supporters culture, without informing anyone of which club it is because he hasn't actually picked them yet. 

"You will know their name in the next 5 years, I guarantee it. By the time I have moved on to the Fortuna Liga, you will know all about them and what they do."

Fan Swears Recent Love Of Birmingham City Doesn't Come From Repeated Viewings Of Peaky Blinders

Boston, MA - Derrick Colwick has repeatedly insisted that his recent devotion to Birmingham City Football Club has nothing to do with his recent back-to-back viewing marathons of Peaky Blinders. He also points out that his wardrobe addition of a flat cap and weekend activity of attending horse tracks are also completely unrelated.

Honestly, I just love the team and the area. Who wouldn't love Birmingham?

Mr Colwick's friends became concerned when he started slipping into a bizarre accent, even for Boston, and began peppering his dialog with slang phrases from the 1920's. Their fears were confirmed when Mr. Colwick began talking repeatedly about his love of Birmingham.

"No one likes Birmingham City and no one likes to root for Birmingham City." said friend Angela Webster. " Especially some 30 year old man from Boston who grew up watching I Dream Of Genie and pretending to be Major Nelson. This is just bizarre. This is absolutely the fault of his obsession with that show. Ever since he started watching it, he just can't help himself. It's like some kind of sick, twisted personality transplant."

For his part Mr Colwick does not deny his slavish devotion to the British drama. "It's great television. Really makes me feel like one of the lads. I mean who doesn't want to be ARTHUR FUCKING SHELBY. But seriously though, I mean, I just love Birmingham City."

Despite his nascent love of "The Blues", Mr Colwick was unable to name a single player on the squad, although he repeatedly stated, "They play in St Andrews, absolutely. I learned that from the show."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Colwick begins to watch Sherlock for the first time.

Op-Ed: Welfare Clubs Are Ruining The Sport

Editor's note: Views and opinions expressed by the author do not necessarily reflect those of The Nutmeg News.

Wake up, soccer people. You are being fleeced and its time you opened up your eyes to what’s really going on in this league.

We are seeing an entire generation of entitlement clubs that are robbing the good, honest, and hard-working clubs out of their money. The self-sufficient clubs are spending their hard-earned money to buy big-named players and these other clubs that haven’t worked hard enough to keep up and are now crying ‘foul’ and are now getting handouts from the MLS to level the playing field at your expense.

The playing field doesn’t need to be leveled. What happens once one of these clubs gets a handout? What do they do next? They ask for more. They ask for trade loopholes. They ask for more free allocation money. They ask for more, more, more. They are dirty, filthy beggars leeching off the system that is only providing them with free handouts of our money.

You don’t see teams like Los Angeles Galaxy having this problem. They work hard, invest their money wisely, and then they have the results to prove it. What does a team like San Jose do? They use this free money to go out and buy someone like Anibal Godoy using my money. No one wants to see Anibal Godoy play. Even if he is good. Admit it, you don't even know who Anibal Godoy is as a player. I could have made up a name and you would have believed that is who they signed, like Freddie Freeloader or Christopher Communist.

Is this Anibal Godoy? Nope. But you probably thought it was til you got to this caption.

It makes me sick! My money shouldn’t be going to these welfare clubs.

Oh sure, nearly everyone thought that the most recent handout improved all teams involved and was a big boost to the league, but it wasn’t. And would you like to know why? I’ll tell you why.  Because now these teams realize that if they continue to do nothing to improve and just simply watch the other teams pass them by with all their hard work, then eventually they will get some more money.

This mindset is going to create an entire generation of welfare clubs.  The current ownership of these layabout clubs realize that they don’t have to work for the money to buy big international signings and then decide that there’s no need to actually work hard. Then when they sell the club or hand it to someone else, the next generation of owners will do the same thing.  You end up with clubs stuck in a cycle where they have their hands out looking for allocation money and the rest of the clubs that actually put in the work end up footing the bill.

This free allocation money, really, is our money. The fans. We’re the ones who are ultimately paying for this. I go to LA games and I put my money down to watch a team that works hard and produces results. That money eventually gets up to the MLS headquarters and goes right down into the hands of welfare clubs.  If anything the money should be going to bigger international friendlies as a way to bolster our leagues defense against other countries leagues who think we are weak and second-tier by showing how strong we are.

So if you find your team not doing well enough to keep up you better just tell your players to lace up their boots and then pick themselves up by them because it’s time for some honest hard work, not just sit around and lollygag and wait for the league dole.

Howard Beale, esq.

Major League Soccer To Unveil Heineken Hooligan Week

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer has announced an expansion to Heineken Rivalry Week for 2016 called Heineken Hooligan Week. The press release is as follows

"Major League Soccer and Heineken invite both you and your firm to show up and bust some heads in and out of the stands during rivalry week.

RFID tags will be given to registered firms with the ability to allow members to identify between petty violence, full scale battles in the street, and beating someone one-on-one.

Hooligans will get points for a variety of challenges such as 'beat a fellow supporter with a food cart sign inside the stadium' and 'evade the cops while filming it happening and tweet about it using an ACAB hashtag without getting thrown out'. 

Firms, casuals, and terrace boys will also have the opportunity to compete in our 2016 Hardest Crew pose off. There will also be scavanger hunts organized that lead to opposing teams banners that you can then steal and not give back.

100 point would be awarded to these Heineken Branded Hooligans who say, stealing is thirsty work, drink Heineken and then steal.

MLS will also have an awards ceremony at the end of the Heineken Hooligan Week for the coveted Heineken Golden Douchebag Award, given to the fans who set the worst example of living humanity possible. Up for consideration in 2015 would have been this group of fans from NYCFC v RBNY. In 2016, this group of Heineken Golden Douchebags could be YOU!

As always, we here at Major League Soccer along with our partner Heineken would like to remind you to consume Heineken and soccer responsibly. To do so we will intentionally try to inflame the idiocy of the common man by conflating their sporting interests with dire pitched battles that will hopefully result in someone leaving the field of battle in front of a Gastro Pub in Newark with blood on their hands. 

Heineken Hooligan Week 2016! We hope it will be a rousing success. 

#WhoAreaYa #HooligansForMLS #ACABroughtToYouByHeineken"

The Nutmeg News reached out to Major League Soccer for comment but were directed to watch a Danny Dyer episode of "The Real Football Hooligans - Midlands Edition".

Win On Saturday Morning Convinces Fan That His Arbitrarily Picked Team Is Better Than Yours

Dayton, OH - New Aston Villa fan Wesley Post was firmly convinced of the superiority of his arbitrarily picked team after they obtained a victory over Bournemouth, a location he didn't even know existed, on the opening weekend of the Premier League.

"I know that Villa is better than Bournemouth. Always has been, always will be. I don't exactly know WHY they are better, but they just are. I don't know a Bournemouth fan, but I assume they are dicks. I mean, this feeling I have right now is exactly why I picked Aston Villa out of the hat before the season began as a team that I would support because I was bored with Baseball and needed something to occupy my time until the National Football League (NFL) comes back on." said a giddy Mr Post. 

"The superiority of Villa can be boiled down to two things. #1 I support them and they are great and #2 They have an American playing for them. These two things mean that they are great and will continue to be great. I'm already planning a tattoo for the time when Aston Villa win whatever the hell competition they are in right now."

While Mr Post's braggadocio could be written down as pure drunken bravado, the same can not be said for the despondent Steven Argus of New Rochelle, New York, a fan who arbitrarily picked Bournemouth as his Premier League team of the season. "I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Clearly Bournemouth are terrible. I'm already trying to figure out if I can just switch over to the Manchester United or the City. No one should support Bournemouth if they aren't going to win every game. I just randomly picked this team because I liked the name. Turns out they are crap. I need something better. I'm going to just fling my loyalty on over to the next big team that wins so I can actually celebrate something for once."

MLS Releases Official Supporters Group Songbook

NEW YORK - Just in time for the Major League Soccer (MLS) playoff push (tm), the front office of MLS has released the official supporters group songbook for immediate use in all stadiums. This release of the codified standard allows all supporters groups to finally get on the same meter at the same time with regards to their songs, and allows for the integration of digital mediums (such as scoreboards and jumbotrons) to ensure that the different supporters groups are all on the same page.

"We are all individuals, so tell us...... WHAT SHOULD WE SING BETWEEN THE 13th and 14th MINUTE?!"

This new songbook includes instructions on not only the song, but the timing of which song thus allowing each group to sing the right song at the right place. An excerpt of the songbook reads as follows,

"For games that kick off at the early hour on Sundays where a scoreboard or jumbotron is not available to direct targeted singing, the following set list is appropriate and approved.

Minute 0 to Minute 10 -- We Love Ya 

Minute 10 to Minute 20 -- Place Name -- Team Name (call and response), brought to you by KIA 

Minute 20 - Minute 30 -- We Love Ya

Minute 30 - Minute 45 -- I Believe, brought to you by Emirates Airlines

For Sunday Games where the home team has a jumbotron or large scoreboard, you will be referred to 'open up the MLS song book to page 156 for the recitation of patriotic MLS themed vows and the singing of Seven Nation Army'

These prompts will be given with as much lead time as possible but please ensure that your group members are paying attention as the jumbotron will make the prompts at appropriate game moments."

The rule book indicates that going off set will be punished by revocation of flags and beer for supporters groups. As well, any use of profanity will result in an immediate ban and mandatory 200 minutes of counseling and therapy with a clinical psychologist.

Mark Abbot, deputy commissioner of Major League Soccer, released the following remarks of the supporters group songbook, "For many groups this will require absolutely no change in their current methodology of singing the exact same songs as everyone else. Some will have to change, but lets be honest... they will cry and moan, but they will cave. That's how the world works. All of these supporters groups will be better when we can finally sell the images of our supporters groups as 'sponsored by Audi' and have them do branded chants for a better vertical integration of our investment portfolio. Just imagine an 'I Believe.... I believe that.... I believe that the new Audi A8 has better room and features than a Mercedes Benz C-class' chant taking off around the South Ward. It's going to be excellent."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as it happens.

Peter Vermes Gets Something For Nothing Completing Peak MLS Trade

Kansas City, KS - The head coach and general manager of Sporting Kansas City, Peter Vermes, decided on Friday to trade absolutely nothing (in the form of a roster spot they weren't using anyway) to Colorado for fake, league issued money (that is untraceable to any outside agency) that Sporting Kansas City can use for a variety of reasons that will never be fully explained completing an utterly baffling trade that only makes sense to the illuminati-esuqe monks that take control of the MLS rule book on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Vermes explained, "We traded a bit of nothing for a bit of something even though we can't explain how much we received or what we plan on doing with it. We are just thankful that Colorado was so desperate for a 6 month paid loan of an international spot that they effectively gave us fake league money for an international right that is going to expire at the end of 2015."

While MLS rules are typically opaque, head clinician of the DOW institute and paid Rand company shill Jeffrey Fandazo said that this particular trade is even more opaque than usual and may lead to the doubt of our own selves.... in the long run.

"One man traded another man the right to own a player from another country for six months for money that doesn't exist that is tracked in a spreadsheet somewhere by a 35 year old intern who ultimately determines if this fake league money is enough to pay for the rights to another player. It is amazing in the madness of it all" said Fandazo in a long diatribe email correspondence with The Nutmeg News

TNN will have more on this as more insane trades of dubious value are made at Colorado's expense.

Bruce Arena To Dan Gargan, "Draw Me Like One Of Your Strikers"

Los Angeles - Bruce Arena has reportedly asked Dan Gargan to paint a nude representation of the head coach after he approved of the Gordon painting that is now hanging in the hallways of The Getty.

No thank you, fifteen is my limit on Schnitzengruben!

Arena was supposedly entranced by the interplay of light and shadow while simultaneously approving of the blurring of Gordon's genitals. 

"A man's package is his own, but the world should see his body, and everyone needs the Bruce." said Arena to a shocked Gargan.

Let the muse take you all the way down to funky town. Wink Wink... Nudge Nudge... Say No More

Gargan said that he hopes to start a new trend of soccer nudes by painting Arena and then Sigi Schmid who has volunteered to take it all off, for art.

"Sigi said that if Bruce's nude body is able to be translated into the ethereal sphere of beauty and fragility while suggesting strength, that he (as well) will pose nude... fully nude" said Gargan to shocked onlookers.

The Nutmeg Nude will have more on this, but we really hope that we will not.

Cosmos Admit Blood Feud With MLS After Gomez Snub

NEW YORK - The New York Cosmos admitted that they have started a blood feud with Major League Soccer after the Major League Soccer reportedly worked a back-room deal to take Herculez Gomez away from the NASL club.

"We sent a message to those guys. 10 of you, 10 of us, bats, chains, and knives... no guns. Behind Lin's Laundromat on 1st. You know where it is. No blows to the face, we gotta work" said Cosmos Director of Fisticuffs, ballyhoo and general pranks Roger O'Flannery.

Reportedly, Don Garber has responded to the challenge by sending back a severed pig head to the Cosmos facility at Hofstra with a note attached saying "Seamus O'Brien sleeps with the fishes, or at least on a sealy posturpedic"

Recent financial disclosures have indicated that Garber and Mark Abbot have invested in training facilities for future fights at their New York office with training having a heavy emphasis on Gracie jiu-jitsu.

"I know at least three different locks that will break a man's arm" said Garber after exiting the downtown Manhattan Major League Soccer fight club. "We are keeping Herc and we are going after Raul next."

Merritt Paulson Promises New And Innovative Ways To Insult Fans

Portland, OR - Tired of using twitter to berate and insult his fanbase, Portland Timbers owner Merritt Paulson promised that he will expand into new technologies and old technologies to make his insults count.

"It's important to me to be on the forefront of new technology that allows me to tell the people who pay to watch my team play to fuck off and support someone else." said Paulson to a collection of technology enthusiasts on Thursday night.

"In the past I've relied solely on twitter and face to face interactions to belittle, abuse and shame fans of the Timbers that I disagree with. However, what I would like to do is branch out into other mediums. Imagine registering some dissent on a facebook page and then receiving a singing telegram that tells you to fuck off from me. Or possibly sky writing your stupidity over Beaverton about how you know absolutely nothing about soccer and that your voice means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life. I've also invested money into a collection of drone's with ipad screens on them so that I personally can insult someone in either a pre-recorded message or via skype. This army of drones will allow me to deploy these in stadium to quell any dissent by signs or in game comments as they happen. Now you will know how little your hundreds of dollars season tickets mean to me in live time. Please renew, though."

While the Timbers owner has often been seen as being abrasive to those that offer dissent against his ideas, there are those that consider his methods refreshing. 

"I always thought that he should tell more fans to go to hell" said reporter Jefferson Grant. "I mean, the Timbers fans are awful and should be shamed. Have they ever been given millions of dollars and then purchased a baseball team with the intention of going to Major League Baseball and then realized they had something else better and refocused their attention that way? No? THEN HOW WOULD THEY KNOW HOW TOUGH IT IS TO BUILD SOMETHING. This game is all about getting millions from your dad and watching The Big Green on Netflix to learn tactics."

Will dad allow TARP fund usage on a struggling soccer team?

The Nutmeg News reached out for comment. We were sent a message saying that our site was stupid and we knew nothing about satire.

Woman Admits, "I've Put All My Hope And Frustration Into My English Team After This Awful July"

Wilmington, NC - Wilmington Hammerheads fan Stephanie Rinomato has publicly stated, "I'm officially ready for the premier league season to start" after the Hammerheads 0 win 4 loss 1 draw July came to a close.

"It's time for the mighty Sunderland to kick off so I can live with the hope of a better season than the one I'm currently going through before Sunderland dash it all one month into the season." said Rinomato. "I've put all my hope and frustrations into my English team after this awful July. I mean, it's not getting any better and I'm only surviving as a fan right now with the hope of a brand new English soccer season. Granted, this hope will inevitably be betrayed by this team that I randomly chose after going on a vacation and ending up at a Sunderland game during the 2008 season. But at least momentarily, I have hope again."

Rinomato admits that Sunderland were an odd choice to pick up but she said she wouldn't have it any other way. "The natural condition of being a fan of the Hammerheads and the USL is pain, suffering and being overlooked. This fits in perfectly with Sunderland because they allow me to experience the same frustrating and fleeting hope before dashing it into the ground with a realistic viewpoint of what is truly going to happen in the league. I plan on channeling my angst about Rob Vincent's Riverhounds hat trick on Jermain Defoe's goal scoring form."

While Rinomato is pessimistic about her long term chances at maintaining hope, she said that she hasn't given up completely.

"Well, no. You can't give into depression because that's too easy. We must slog on through those terrible USL July months to get to the premier league and looking for terrible streams while simultaneously making jokes about horse punching jackasses, on twitter. There's a tribal process to grief that makes all of this perfectly acceptable. That might make me a masochist now that I think about it. I really try not to think about it."

The Nutmeg News will have more on the collapse of Sunderland's season and the spiraling addiction of Stephanie Rinomato to the game of soccer as the month of September begins. 

American Outlaws Announce Support For Donald Trump

Lincoln, Nebraska – Bruce Ternasky, a representative of the US Men’s National Soccer Team supporter group known as American Outlaws, provided a statement today indicating their group’s intention to provide their support for Donald Trump as he makes a run for the US presidency.  The statement is as follows:

"The American Outlaws want to publicly state how much we support what Donald Trump stands for and that we feel he is the perfect leader for America.

When we heard Trump talking about how Mexicans are getting into our country and are bringing drugs, crime, and are rapists, our hearts swelled with patriotism as we realized that finally someone in a leadership position understood our viewpoints. This message is the same one we’ve been trying to get out to the American public through our songs and banners and now finally the message is starting to get out and up to the higher levels of society.

We have heard Trump talk about women like Rosie O'Donnell saying ‘If I were running The View, I’d fire Rosie. I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say, Rosie, you’re fired.’ For so long we have taken abuse for our stance on women, but finally we have some validation and support from on high for our ‘No Fat Chicks’ policy.

All that we stand for finally has a chance to be heard on the debate floor of American.  Finally we have our mouthpiece and he’s got a good shot at becoming president. This truly is the greatest country on God’s Earth.

We, the American Outlaws, stand behind Donald Trump.  Well, technically behind and slightly to the side. No homo.”

TNN will provide further statements when they become available.

DC United Unsure If They Will Go For Two At Six Goals

WASHINGTON - Ben Olsen has admitted that he isn't sure if DC United will just kick the extra point or go for two when they scored a touchdown on Saturday. "After we got to six I realized I had to figure out if we were going to run a trick play or just go for the extra point. I just wanted to play it safe but you never know...." 

United realized they need to warm up Sebastian Jankowski up and decided to waste time til the game was over but they realized there will be a need going forward for a goal line two score goal attempt.

"I don't even know what the hell is going on anymore" said Olsen "10 goals in one game? How bad are our collective defenses?  What freaking sport is this?"

Major League Soccer Announce Emergency Additional TAM For NYCFC Defense

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS) executives today had an emergency phone call session during the first five minutes of NYCFC v Montreal to try to figure out a way to fix the NYCFC defense.

 "We got a call from City Financial Group and we are pleased to announce a new additional TAM measure to be used exclusively by NYCFC to pay down their designated players for new defensive designated players," said Don Garber. "It is important for us to keep our major investors happy and City Financial Group is not happy with this defense. It only makes sense to change the rules given that we already have repeatedly done this before for other teams."

While MLS was making these changes for NYCFC, the porous defense let another goal in from a beautiful chip by Piatti. This lead to another annoucement by the front office of the league. "As it turns out (after a scathing phone call 1 minute ago) we have just decided to give NYCFC the ability to sign any four players they want and we will just figure out how to excuse it later. " said Garber.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this defense as it gives up goals.