LOS ANGELES - God, the almighty American business god, admitted that he can’t focus on helping the poor, destitute and immigrant communities in the world until he finishes coordinating his response to the multitude of prayers regarding the 2026 World Cup by USMNT (United States Men’s National Team) fans.

“I was going to intervene in the campaign of terror against people who have been praying to me since they were born,” stated God in an exclusive interview. “However, I’m still busy with the prayers of Steve Bixby from Raleigh, North Carolina who prayed for a winning lottery ticket, a new Harley Davidson, and the USMNT to not embarrass themselves in the 2026 World Cup.”

Sources say that the amount of prayers by USMNT fans over the past year have increased to the point where God, the almighty, is unable to keep up with the demand.

“Ok, sure, yes, I’d love to be helping out the Gutierrez family with their needs as they are forcibly abducted off the streets of Los Angeles…….. But I really need to address this prayer by Steve Henderson to have Pulisic be healthy and interested in the team again.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the God logjam continues in perpetuity.