Soccer Twitter Slowly Devolves To Locked Accounts Subtweeting Each Other

According to reports from the Internet, many peoples experience with Soccer Twitter has devolved to an ever larger number of locked accounts subtweeting each other as the experience of dealing with negative idiots, bots, stalkers, and absolute jerks encourages people to go for a more curated twitter experience.

"My experience with soccer twitter started out so well," stated Union fan David Ersnt. "I was really enjoying myself, but after some really weird and unsavory interactions with some bizarre people, I had to lock my account. Things were just getting too real."

Reportedly, Ernst was enjoying the banter and the interactions with fans across the league until the banter and conversations crossed over into personal attacks and logging into the social media service turned into a daily reminder on how depressed he is supposed to be.

"I was thinking of either blowing up my old account or just locking it down, so I figured I'd try this, un-follow a bunch of people and see if that increased my enjoyment of the service."

Despite his best efforts, Ernst states that most of the content he now gets for soccer is just locked accounts that used to be public tweeters, sub-tweeting other soccer accounts that they dislike.

"I'm not even certain what the subcurrent is anymore, because I don't follow enough of the locked accounts to figure out what the other people who used to talk about things now whisper about in private."

The Nutmeg News will have less on this situation as a locked account that we can't see talks about this in private with another locked account.

Western New York Flash Fans Still Awaiting NWSL Schedule Release

Rochester, NY - Fans of the defending National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) Champion Western New York Flash are reportedly still awaiting the release of their home opening dates and schedule by the NWSL.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Sahlen's Meat is a big pile of shit!

Scott Halleran/Getty Images

"We see that all the other NWSL teams received their opening day schedules," stated Lara Davidson, a Flash Mob member and Flash fan for 10 years after she started following the Buffalo Flash for a regional soccer fix.

"It just seems a bit odd that the defending champions of the NWSL aren't included in the opening day schedule release. I don't know if they are teasing us, or trying to tweak the fans here, but it just seems weird that we haven't seen our opening day, yet."

Our reporters did not reach out to the NWSL executives, but we are guessing they wouldn't return our emails about where the schedule is anyway.

The Nutmeg News will, unfortunately, not have more on this.

Bidding War Escalates For Player Rights To Cow Rampaging Through City

NEW YORK - Red Bull New York, today, announced their intention of signing the Cow rampaging through Queens, this afternoon, to their developmental squad as a bidding war broke out between all factions of New York City soccer teams as to whom would have the rights to the home grown bovine.

We see him as a bulldozing #6, so to speak, instead of a box to box midfielder.

The New York Cosmos also placed a bid due to Cow playing in their territory as they claimed rights over the hooved menace stating, "The New York Cosmos and the NASL have rights on this cow. It's in Queens, we know the mother and Cow hasn't signed a development contract with Major League Soccer."

However, despite the Cosmos and Red Bull New York interest, Major League Soccer stated that NYCFC actually held the right of first refusal on Cow and was willing to listen to offers of trades for future considerations and TAM/GAM in order to gain a benefit from the cow. NYCFC is, reportedly, also considering playing Cow in Mix Diskerud's position as it could only offer more going forward than the player did in 2016.

"We believe in the power and capabilities of Cow," stated Patrick Viera. "However, we must do our due diligence and listen to offers from all teams. We plan on finding a place for him in our lineup unless something changes."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Don Garber is called in to mediate the internal dispute between MLS clubs.

Man Live Tweets Colonoscopy On Team Hashtag

Beaverton, OR - Citing the reason, "people like my tweets, y'know," Portland Timbers fan Rick Sandberg live tweeted his colonoscopy on the Timbers fans hashtag, over the weekend.

HIS PROBE IS A KILLING WORD!

Cover art from Heretics of Dune by Frank Herbert

"I think it's important for everyone," stated Sandberg as he sent another tweet that read, "I'm on the table! Knees drawn in! Here we go! #RCTID"

Friends and completely anonymous perverts were drawn into Sandberg's spellbinding tweets as he continued to live tweet the tube insertion with pictures of the polyp that his doctor was looking at as he lay prone on the table.

"Now THAT'S a healthy looking polyp. Feeling a bit full, if you know what I mean. I need tickets to the opener, anyone have an extra? #RCTID," tweeted Sandberg from his account. "20 minutes to glory! This feels like 2012 all over again. Who wants more pictures? #RCTID," continued the earnest tweeter as his doctor probed the inner walls of his colon. 

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Sandberg creates a limited edition patch commemorating his successful colonoscopy.

USWNT To Allow Russian Players On Squad For Upcoming Friendlies

NEW YORK - Jill Ellis, head coach of the United States Women's National Team (USWNT), stated that she didn't know where the leaks started that insinuated that the USA would let Russian players on the USWNT, but that they were real leaks about fake news.

MERCIFUL COMRADES!

Ellis denied the Russian interference in a long rambling speech on Friday morning stating, "The Russians are good, they are fine. I like to think that I know what the people want and this is something. And the leaks are good, but the news is fake. We wouldn't let Russian interference happen on our watch, and we don't know about Russian interference. The USA is strong, but also very weak, but also very strong and we are making it great, but it's also bad. The Nutmeg News is fake news. You are all fake news and we know that while the leaks about the Russians on Team USA is true, that the leaks are real about fake news."

At the request of Comrade Putin relayed through intermediaries, Russian midfielder Elena Kostareva will join the United States to learn and play with the United States in order to better understand how to undermine them at a later date.

"Kostareva is a fine player. She is the best. She is going to make the US great again," stated Ellis to The Nutmeg News. "We must understand this moving forward. We are going to win so much. We are going to win so much that you are going to get tired of winning. We might be doing that with Russian sleeper agents, but that's not really any of your business. Also, we would like to welcome Margarita Chernomyrdina to the United States team, as well."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we investigate how much Ellis knows about Russian interference in USWNT matters.

Родина-мать счастлив и горд показывают футбольный набор крови окрашена славные работники

Вашингтон, США - Родина-мать счастлив и горд показывают футбольный набор крови
окрашена славные работники.

Диего Коста сленг для половых органов

"Пусть слава Родины светят вниз на всех нас давая нам надежду на будущее," заявил премьер USSF Санил Галати. "Да здравствует товарищ козырем и пусть наш новый рассвет быть славной Красной Заре для всех."

Как Джефф Фоксворти говорят: В капиталистическом Америке, вы носите Kickball рубашку.

Многие женщины видели плач и много любви была уделена состоянию после того, как показывают красную рубашку власти. Женщины жаждали одеть свои муж и отправить их в бой кубка мира, и простить нарушение договоров оружия, которые были настолько глупыми, что они не должны существовать. Да здравствует государство и красные комплекты людей!

В капиталистическом Америке, вы едите пищу! ХА! Поскольку пища не съест вас, это другой путь туда, потому что они настолько дурацкие и сумасшедшие! Aahhh РОДИНА !!!!!!

Whitecaps Fan Quickly Rationalizing Montero Acquisition

Vancouver, BC - Vancouver Whitecaps fan Andrew Hanssen admitted that he is quickly rationalizing the acquisition of former Seattle Sounder Fredy Montero as he progresses through the stages of grief after spending a full day hating the acquisition on Twitter.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo. 

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

WHY?

Ok, well, .... maybe he will be ok.

God, this offseason is terrible.

I can't wait to see him break everyone's heart in Seattle."

"GOD. WHY? GOD. WHY?" stated Hanssen when the rumors began to surface of the acquisition of one of the players that Hanssen hated with a passionate fervor previously. "We need offense.... but NOT LIKE THIS.... NOT... LIKE... THIS."

Reportedly, by the time time that the Whitecaps made the official announcement on Wednesday morning, Hanssen was already progressing from denial through anger to bargaining to depression and was verging on acceptance primarily because the team has no one else that is trustworthy that can score goals.

"I'm already working on imagining him scoring against the Sounders to win the Cascadia Cup," stated Hanssen to his friends. "I hate this move with the fire of a thousand suns, but I love my Caps, but I also hate this move. I'm very conflicted. This offseason sucks."

The Nutmeg News will have more as Hanssen starts to boo Montero during the first game at BC Place because he can't help himself.

Return Of Champions League An Annual Reminder Of Man's Aesthetic Superiority

TORONTO - For Wesley Marshall, the return of the UEFA Champions League is an annual reminder of his aesthetic superiority over all the rest of his fellow soccer fans as he crowed again about the standard of play in the only soccer league that he is willing to watch.

Does your team play in North America? Yes? Then I don't want to hear about them.

"MLS? Terrible. USL? Terrible. La Liga? Terrible. The Canadian Premier League that hasn't even started yet? Oh yes, we KNOW that is going to be terrible. The only true competition for any soccer fan is the UEFA Champions League," ranted Mr. Marshall to his friends on his Facebook account as he waded into any conversation about soccer with his typical sanctimonious rage.

"All leagues and all players who aren't in the UEFA Champions League are terrible and unworthy of even existing," ranted Marshall as his malice towards any soccer other than the ultimate competition was unbound and full of righteous indignation. "You shouldn't even be watching MLS, USL, the NPSL, or any league that isn't in Europe. You definitely shouldn't be watching any teams in England because if the Champions League has shown us anything it is that teams in England are shit. There is only one competition, and there is only one soccer team that is worth your attention and that competition is the UEFA Champions League and that soccer team is whichever team claims that prize."

Mr. Marshall stated that he doesn't purchase team gear, or root for any specific team as he prefers to soak in the spectacle of the UEFA Champions League in a respectable format in observance of his strict application of aesthetic purity.

"Life isn't about watching a team from your area struggle. Life is only about watching the best against the best. Everything else is trifle. So if you talk soccer around me, I will interrupt, because I am compelled to tell you that this is only thing worth watching."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a TFC fan considers punching Mr Marshall in his snobbish nose.

New USL Soccer Website Promises Expansive Team Coverage With Zero Depth

Phoenix, AZ - With the excitement of the USL season starting to build, Peter Khan finally launched his website USLSoccerNews.com with the express intent of trying to cover all 30 teams in the league, poorly.

WOooooooooooooooooo wait.... rhat's where Richmond is? Then, ok... wait Rochester is up by Toronto?

photo: uslsoccer.com

"USL Soccer News will offer expansive coverage of every single team in the league," stated Khan in between his morning meetings at his position with Avnet. "We will cover all the transactions, information, games, and interesting news stories to the best of our abilities that a staff of 2 can muster while trying to keep our day jobs and being unable to actually watch 1350 minutes of soccer each week."

While speaking to The Nutmeg News, Khan admitted that his website will really be unable to go into depth about anything that actually happens to most of the teams in the league given the time constraints of being an unpaid staff that is only doing this as a passion project. He also admitted that most of their stories would be scraped re-postings from regional journalists with a link to their actual newspaper story. However, he is adamant that his website and twitter account will be spamming your team hashtag soon, for unpaid writers and information about your team.

"We don't really have boots on the ground in Rochester, but there has to be someone out there that needs to get their words out onto the internet. We are going to build a coalition of writers so I can just sit back and edit, hopefully. I'm certain that this is going to work out. How hard can it be to create, edit, distribute and disseminate content on 30 different teams in two countries over the course of 12 months?!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Khan attempts to pass off ownership of the league after running out of energy to edit the site in roughly 7 months.

Man Still Can't Understand Why NWSL Players Won't Accept His Twitter Date Requests And Marriage Proposals

Mobile, AL - Soccer fan and lecherous dickhead Mike Driscoll still can't understand why a number of famous NWSL players won't accept his proposition of a date or marriage proposal on the social media website Twitter, as he relentlessly plugged away in an effort at not being alone on Valentine's Day.

Driscoll's other passion is gaming, just so you know.

(Photo: Getty)

"You are so, so sexy," tweeted Driscoll to Becky Sauerbrunn from his account @MobileEastHSCoach. "Lets go out on a date. I know a place."

Driscoll reportedly spent two months chasing Alex Morgan from website to website as he attempted to focus on getting a message to her that Morgan was, "his wifey."

While continually harassing women in an effort at trying to shore up his fragile masculinity, Driscoll still doesn't know why these stars that he propositions with words like, "nice ass," haven't come down to Mobile to date him.

"I'm a great guy. I know I'm a great guy. I'm a normal guy. I'm not like those assholes they date, and I don't understand why they can't see that. I'm a 34 year old man who lives in his parents basement... RENT FREE. How great a situation is that?! This is why I've just repeatedly made comments about how sexy they look online. I need to show them that I can see how hot they are at any time. Nothing is going to entice a superstar with women's soccer more than me telling her on her Instagram feed that she looks great, that I love the way her sweat looks on her body, that I tank with Jarvan IV, the Exemplar of Demacia, in League of Legends, and asking her if would she marry me."

Not content with just making soccer stars he doesn't know uncomfortable, recently Driscoll has taken to leaving inappropriate comments with his Facebook page on older beach weekend pictures of female friends of his friends as he reportedly set a new land speed record for creepy by commenting, "We should go to the Bahamas together," on the bikini picture of a woman he hadn't even met. 

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Driscoll's lecherous comments and insular thinking isolate him further from any kind of love life.

Historical Newspaper Clippings Show 125 Years Of, "US Soccer A Sleeping Giant," Headlines

Dedicated historical researchers with The Nutmeg News were able to show 125 Years Of, "US Soccer A Sleeping Giant," Headlines as they pulled an old cover of The Nutmeg News from February 15, 1892.

A review through the historical archives of old print versions of The Nutmeg News revealed a headline day 125 years ago as our newspaper proclaimed United States Soccer a sleeping giant!

"This proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that pundits writing about US Soccer are front-runners at claiming things that the USSF hasn't paid off, for some time," stated TNN Senior Researcher Carla Gifford. "These old newspaper clippings show that soccer writers have a tradition, in the United States, of claiming their country to be the country of the future for Soccer. As well, we can see that this tradition of pundits claiming that the United States is a sleeping giant extends back, at least, to 1892."

The Nutmeg News spoke to senior soccer analyst and high school football reporter Brock Landers who stated, "All this shows is that the United States had 125 years to get their shit together and really hasn't. I'm not saying its too late, at this point, but I have a better chance of organizing my divorced parents into a custody agreement for their Shih Tzu than US Soccer has of organizing its pay to play leagues."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we comb through our records for more historical nuggets.

"It's Too Early To Be Overly Critical," States Overly Positive Fan

San Jose, CA - Earthquakes fan Hannah Rutherford firmly stated that, "It's too early to be overly critical," as she proceeded to speak in an overly positive fashion about how the Quakes played against the LA Galaxy in their 1-0 pre-season win that she didn't actually watch.

"See? SEEE???? We are already winning trophies!"

"Real fans aren't going to nitpick the pre-season for negativity," stated Rutherford to The Nutmeg News on Monday. "Real fans are only going to utilize the pre-season for reinforcing their relentless optimism and buoying their own opinions about how the season is going to go really well! I only use the pre-season to see all the good things that happen and confirm my best opinions that we have the best players. In this fashion, I'll be really disappointed when the season starts and I spend most of my time wondering why all the first team players that were showing well against the reserves of our opponents aren't, now, playing to their potential against starting 11 squads across the league."

Reportedly, Rutherford stated that there is no bigger test than, "The GREATEST rivalry in MLS that never fails to disappoint," and that this intense cauldron of pre-season atmosphere would, "forge the Earthquakes players into a firebrand of league domination."

Rutherford stated all this despite not actually watching the LA Galaxy v Earthquakes game. The inability to watch the clash didn't dampen her enthusiasm for the upcoming season as she stated, "Our players are already winning trophies and you haven't even started playing! What a season!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Rutherford continues her relentless and unchecked optimism even in the face of other fans more level headed analysis.

Shy Supporter Ready For Everyone Else To Get Loud

Philadelphia, PA - Union supporter Brandt Jacobs acknowledged that he is a shy individual at games who rarely sings, but he remains prepared to passive-aggressively goad other individuals into being loud as he prepares for upcoming Union games.

"GET LOUD... ALL OF YOU.... NOT ME, THOUGH... I'M JUST GOING TO SIT HERE AND NOT PARTICIPATE"

USA Today Sports

"I tend to complain about other people not being loud enough without actually being loud myself," stated Jacobs to The Nutmeg News. "I'm just always so damn paranoid about being too loud and having people stare at me. I'm very self conscious about how I look and sound at a game. Despite everyone else being involved in watching the game, I always feel like someone is watching me which prevents me from participating at all due to my crushing self-awareness. However, that isn't going to stop me from calling other people out, online, for not being loud enough at the game."

Jacobs took to his account in preparation of the upcoming pre-season games and the regular season to indicate that people need to get loud in the River End, except for him.

"Get LOUD. SING PROUD," tweeted Jacobs despite having no intention of doing so himself. "It's time to make the River End a LOUD place again. We need more people involved."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Jacobs admits that he doesn't even know all the lyrics to all the SOB songs.

FC Dallas Announce That CCL Will Not Distract From Meaningless March Games

Dallas, TX - Football Club Dallas announced today that the CONCACAF Champions League (CCL), starting February 23, will not distract from their slate of meaningless March games as they sought to assure their fans that they will prioritize the regular season.

"We will be fine... totally fine.. none of these guys even have an emoji!"

"It's important for us to focus on games in March that will, inevitably, have nothing to do with how our regular season ends up," stated FC Dallas spokesman Lorne Bleau. "We want to reassure our fans and supporters that we do plan on treating the CCL like a glorified reserves match where we trot out our up and coming 18 year old players with a smattering of first team players that we think will give us stability."

Insider sources indicate that FC Dallas have been asking around the league for advice on whether Arabe Unido is a "Play your 18 year old players" team or "mix of youth and regulars with that one defensive player that is awful but will probably be fine against this team."

"We categorically reject that we will take the meaningless games in March easily," stated Bleau to the Nutmeg News. "All the games in Major League Soccer are important, even if they really aren't. We plan on copying the Seattle Sounders and Portland Timbers success by having a very successful March and April that leads into an MLS Cup Victory parade in December."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when FC Dallas is knocked out of the CCL.

Man Slowly Ramps Up Alcohol Consumption To Prepare For Season

LOS ANGELES - With three weeks til the Major League Soccer season begins, soccer fan Paul Sanchez is slowly ramping up his alcohol consumption to increase his tolerance as he stated, "I need to be ready for the amount of drinking involved with soccer."

PRE-SEASON TRAINING!

Photo Credit: Jon Feingersh/Blend Images/Getty Images

Sanchez stated that during the 2016 pre-season, he didn't do enough work on his tolerance and he suffered after games.

"I'd have three or four beers before the game during the tailgate. Then I'd have three of four beers during the game, and then I'd have a beer or two after the game; and I would have a raging hangover the next day. I can't show up at the office and try to work with a splitting headache."

Sanchez then realized he needed to work on his tolerance for the 2017 pre-season.

"I'm doing a lot of dead lifts with beers like Natty Light and Milwaukee's Best. Then I'm cross training with a specific selection of bottom shelf liquors. These are mostly whisky and tequila shots with a smattering of random jello shots mixed in to prepare for a wildcard tailgate staple. I'm compounding this with some weekend drinking from craft brews to ensure that I can handle the ABV difference. It's important to cross train if you are going to get all around fitness on beers."

Reportedly, it isn't just beer fitness that has Mr Sanchez training but also the off-season shakeup of the LA Galaxy as he stated, "Have you seen our lineup? I don't even know what to expect. I'm likely going to be doing a LOT of post-game drinking this season. My friends don't think it's a problem if you have one drink a night, so why does everyone freak out if you have two... or three a night... or maybe even four? Or look, sometimes you have to go to that other party and they have a drink there. Then you have dinner, and you aren't going to serve that without wine, right? And everyone knows that you can't have weekend breakfast without a red beer. And then there's a game on Friday, so you are drinking there and you wake up on Saturday with a hangover so the best cure is a beer with some early morning European soccer, and there's a Xolos game on at night, and you aren't going to watch that without a beer. It's all just cross training."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Sanchez realizes he needs to sober up for the month of June.

Despondent Bob Kraft Admits That No Amount Of Super Bowl Wins Will Fill MLS Cup Void

Houston, TX - A despondent Bob Kraft admitted, on Monday, that no amount of Super Bowl wins will fill the void of a missing MLS Cup from his trophy case as he dejectedly fired back at the press.

"I breathe Revolution football. I live Revolution football. It's all I can understand."

"You don't understand that every hollow victory by the Patriots just exacerbates my enveloping depression concerning the Revolution," stated Kraft to the room full of journalists. "Sure I can win in the NFL, but anyone can do that. Meanwhile, I've failed demonstrably to build a winner in soccer despite my worst efforts."

Kraft reportedly left the Super Bowl victory immediately after the trophy presentation to sit in a darkened suite at NRG Stadium and watch a replay of the three straight finals that his beloved Revolution "Buffalo Bill'd" back in the early 2000's.

"I breathe Revolution football. I live Revolution football. It's all I can understand. I kick every ball with Lee Nguyen. I chase every header with Kei Kamara. I make every turn with Gershon Koffie... wait... he is still on the team, right? The Patriots are the placeholder that give light to my love of the Revolution and every failure that breaks the heart of our fans is a dagger at my own heart and hurts my pride."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a dejected Kraft reviews the 2014 final while photoshopping a new Revolution logo and calling about how the new stadium permitting is going in downtown Boston.

Soccer Fan's Relentless Criticism Of Super Bowl Finally Converts Friends To Loving Soccer

NEW YORK - Harold Leipgott's relentless criticism of the Super Bowl finally converted his football friends to soccer fans as the years of telling everyone the Super Bowl isn't that big internationally took hold.

SEE..... SEEEEEEEEEEE?!!!!?!!?!?!?!?! THIS IS NOT AN OVERT ACT OF INSECURITY. NOT AT ALL.

Source: http://www.carbonated.tv/sports/super-bowl-audience-infographics

"After seeing the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history and the first overtime in Super Bowl history, I realized that it's so boring," stated friend James Murtaw. "Only 16.2 minutes of actual ball play? Boring. Low energy sport. Harold was right, all these years."

"Harold always posted that graph showing how no one cares about the game internationally, but it took til this year for me to finally realize that I'm all about soccer," stated ex-girlfriend Deandra Blevens. "I've now decided, solely based on Harold's intransigent efforts, that it's all soccer from here on in.... or at least until week 2 of the NFL season."

Leipgott's efforts weren't constrained just to his immediate social circle as his ability to put the game down at work resulted in conversions there, as well.

"As I watched Julian Edelman make that catch where his amazing athleticism and concentration fused together to give us a glimpse of what someone who has trained their whole life to do something does when they are up against tremendous odds, the scales fell from my eyes and I realized how boring it all was and that I'd much rather be watching the Houston Dynamo try to connect passes together in 99 degree heat," stated co-worker Daniel Steres. 

"Oh, Brady has his fifth Super Bowl win? Has he ever won Ballon d'Or? No? Has he won it six times in a row? No? Then I have no interest in him until he's at Messi's level," stated Leipgott's manager Carlotta Garibaldi. 

The Nutmeg News will have more on the efforts of Harold Leipgott as he attempts to successfully e-vite these new soccer fans to a UEFA European Final watch party at his house.

NYCFC Utility Midfielder Frank Lampard Retires From Two Year Career

NEW YORK - Spurning offers from multiple USL clubs, utility midfielder Frank Lampard announced his retirement from his short two year career playing for New York City FC in Major League Soccer (MLS).

Frank Lapmard

Lampard's short stay with NYCFC was full of up and downs as the midfielder made 31 appearances scoring 15 goals for the fledgling franchise. 

The journeyman player was selected for the 2015 MLS All-Star game in a controversial appearance and one NYCFC player of the month. He was also inducted into the Ride Of Fame alongside other NYCFC players Andrea Pirlo and David Villa.

Area man inducts NYCFC Designated Players David Villa (l.) and Andrea Pirlo (r.)  into the Ride of Fame Tuesday (D DIPASUPIL/GETTY IMAGES FOR RIDE OF FAME)

Fans state that while they will miss Lampard's goal scoring form found at the end of 2016, that they aren't fully certain why the fledgling midfielder would cut his career short after only two years.. Sources were able to confirm that Lampard is looking at picking up his career in Tax Accounting at a firm in Tampa Florida.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we wish Frank Lampard the best of wishes on his way through relearning about a midsized business that is a Subchapter S corporation, a limited liability company treated as a flow-through entity, or a partnership, and are referred to as the U.S. business. S corporation shareholders, individual/noncorporate LLC members, or individual/noncorporate partners are referred to as U.S. taxpayers.

Slang Report: "Kevin Nagle" New Slang For Asshole, In Sacramento

Sacramento, CA - Reports from the capitol of California indicate that soccer fans in the area are using new slang to describe someone who is an imbecilic asshole as "Kevin Nagle" or "a Nagle" gains steam in the area.

The Nutmeg News spoke to linguistic professor Barbara Brown at California State University, Sacramento about the influx of new slang to the area.

"Soccer fans are notorious for cribbing language from other locations and countries but in this case they are developing a new slang of their own," stated Brown to our reporters. "In this case, Sacramento Republic fans, overnight, started re-framing the language they use to indicate that someone is a dickish, churlish, insensitive, or imbecilic person by calling that person a Nagle"

Brown gave the example of a Republic fan stating, "Don't be a Nagle, man" when at one point he would have stated, "Don't be an asshole."

"Language is always in flux, but I remain fascinated that we can transpose items like Kevin Nagle to mean asshole, in a matter of a few moments based on circumstances," stated Brown.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as people realize there are a lot of Nagle's on Twitter talking about the Sacramento to MLS deal.

USL Player Instagram Account Just 2000 Pictures Of Cats

Cincinnati, OH - Thinking he was getting a behind the scenes look into the life of a soccer player, Quincy Flitter admitted that he followed FC Cincinnati player Victor Donaldi on Instagram only to find out that his Instagram feed is just 2000 pictures of cats in different poses.

"Whoooooo is a cute boy?!"

"I just don't know what I expected," stated Flitter to The Nutmeg News. "I had this general idea that his account would be something like a turned down version of Pogba, or his favorite restaurants, or his life behind the scenes. It's just pictures of cats. Seriously. Just look at it. It's freaking pictures of cats."

Flitter stated that he didn't necessarily need any kind of debauchery, but even some pictures of Donaldi out in Cincinnati would be nice.

"It's definitely his account. It has his bio, a picture of him in his kit taking on a player from a game last season. He even links his Instagram account from his official Facebook page. However, the content is just pictures of cats. I'm still stunned. Does he have all these cats at his house? Is he just a cat picture connoisseur? I'm a little freaked out by this, to be honest."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Flitter obsessivley follows all the developments on Donaldi's account for the time when he actually posts a picture of himself at home, with his cat.