Mobile, AL - Soccer fan and lecherous dickhead Mike Driscoll still can't understand why a number of famous NWSL players won't accept his proposition of a date or marriage proposal on the social media website Twitter, as he relentlessly plugged away in an effort at not being alone on Valentine's Day.
"You are so, so sexy," tweeted Driscoll to Becky Sauerbrunn from his account @MobileEastHSCoach. "Lets go out on a date. I know a place."
Driscoll reportedly spent two months chasing Alex Morgan from website to website as he attempted to focus on getting a message to her that Morgan was, "his wifey."
While continually harassing women in an effort at trying to shore up his fragile masculinity, Driscoll still doesn't know why these stars that he propositions with words like, "nice ass," haven't come down to Mobile to date him.
"I'm a great guy. I know I'm a great guy. I'm a normal guy. I'm not like those assholes they date, and I don't understand why they can't see that. I'm a 34 year old man who lives in his parents basement... RENT FREE. How great a situation is that?! This is why I've just repeatedly made comments about how sexy they look online. I need to show them that I can see how hot they are at any time. Nothing is going to entice a superstar with women's soccer more than me telling her on her Instagram feed that she looks great, that I love the way her sweat looks on her body, that I tank with Jarvan IV, the Exemplar of Demacia, in League of Legends, and asking her if would she marry me."
Not content with just making soccer stars he doesn't know uncomfortable, recently Driscoll has taken to leaving inappropriate comments with his Facebook page on older beach weekend pictures of female friends of his friends as he reportedly set a new land speed record for creepy by commenting, "We should go to the Bahamas together," on the bikini picture of a woman he hadn't even met.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Driscoll's lecherous comments and insular thinking isolate him further from any kind of love life.