Joey Saputo Celebrates As He Resists Urge To Fire Rémi Garde After Opening Day Loss

MONTREAL - Joey Saputo, the president of the Montreal Impact, celebrated his recent attempt at patience as he resisted the urge to fire head coach Rémi Garde after the opening day loss against the Vancouver Whitecaps.

Don't get TOO comfortable, Rémi

"I've been working on self control," stated Saputo to The Nutmeg News. "And I feel like this is a great moment for me, so I'm going to take a little break and celebrate having the willpower to avoid having 6 head coaches since 2011."

Sources indicate that after Mauro Biello departed the team in October of 2017, a reflective Saputo made a priority out being patient for the 2018 season, at least until October.

"I'm 100% behind Rémi," stated Saputo. "I'm here for him, until I'm not, but I'm not not going to be there for him when I need to not be there to be there for him if he needs me there at all, which he will not, unless he does."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Saputo starts getting an itchy feeling around October/November.

Defending Champion, Toronto FC, On Pace To Miss Playoffs

TORONTO - In a shocking development from Major League Soccer (MLS), defending MLS Cup Champion Toronto FC are on pace to miss the playoffs if the season ended today.

Pundits and fans alike were shocked by the development as TFC crashed out of the regular season and post season via a loss to the Columbus Crew, on Saturday.

"After last season I thought things were going to be different for them," stated CBC Correspondent Guy Lafleur. "Then we see that things aren't that much different at all."

"I think it's time to hit the panic button, sell all the players and start fresh," stated TFC fan Andrea Howser. "We need to accept that this is a lost season and that we are just going to have to build for next year."

Insider sources within the organization say that the TFC brass was apoplectic after the loss on Saturday stating that no one's job is safe.

"We didn't spend all this money to struggle this bad," stated one source from inside the front office. "Heads will roll, mark my word.... heads... will... roll"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when fans decide to protest in game 2 of the season.

Casual Friday Not What Soccer Supporter Thought It Would Be

Philadelphia, PA - Entering the office yelling, "U WOT M8," soccer supporter Isaac Redmond was reportedly surprised to find out that Casual Friday at his workplace was not what he thought it would be.

Sporting a Flatcap, a Stone Island jacket, Fred Perry polo, a Burberry scarf and Adidas Spezial shoes, Redmond immediately noticed that his coworkers were simply wearing jeans and t-shirts with beat up Converse sneakers or Crocks defying the mandate of Casual Friday.

"I'm ready for a right BOVVER, ya cunts," emailed Redmond to his workplace distribution group as he received a notification for an immediate meeting with Human Resources. 

Redmond replied to the meeting notification with a denial notification and a specific message that stated, "SPEZIALE LIBERO! #NoPyroNoParty #AHRAB #ACAB."

"I'm not certain what these lads are up to," stated Redmond to The Nutmeg News. "They are acting like they want a prawn sandwich. We need to get out there and bust up some heads and not cave to the old bill."

Co-workers state that Redmond opened a Strongbow over lunch and initiated a conversation with his boss that started with, "Wot, mate? Fuckin City's on a blinder, innit?"

Redmond then finished lunch, lit off a flare and smoke bomb that he dropped on the floor of the reserved stall in the company bathroom and strolled away to head to the pub for a, "nice lager and some chips."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Redmond manages to ruin Casual Friday for everyone.

"I Am Not In Shape For This," Gasps Red Bull Supporter 20 Minutes Into Game

Harrison, NJ - While pogoing extensively in the South Ward, tonight, Red Bull New York fan Sean Hamilton gasped, "I am not in shape for this," as he attempted to hold it together during the CONCACAF Champions League game against CD Olimpia.

More pogo? You guys? Are we sure? Anyone want to start a chant where we sit down?

Hamilton spent the entirety of the offseason eating junk food and attempting to switch from IPA's to Stout beers as his preparation for the season kicked into overdrive.

Concerned friends asked Hamilton if he was ok as he momentarily grabbed his knees and bent over at the waist in some futile attempt to collect more oxygen into his lungs. Mr Hamilton, reportedly, then wondered out loud if he was starting to get a bit too old for this.

According to sources within the stadium, New York fan Tony Mayhew stated, "the only way you are getting through this is with another beer," to which Mr Hamilton obliged as the sweat mixed in with the rain on his face.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Hamilton calls in sick to work due to some cold or fl.u that he picked up Thursday night.

Unoriginal Arsenal Fan Starts Preparing #WengerOut Sign For MLS Opening Game

San Jose, CA - Desperately unoriginal Arsenal and San Jose Earthquakes fan Jack Ingram began preparing a #WengerOUT sign for the upcoming Earthquakes home opener game of the 2018 season while watching Arsenal lose 3-0 to Manchester City.

"If there's something that everyone loves it's fans bringing signs and banners that have absolutely nothing to do with either of the teams playing," stated Ingram to The Nutmeg News. "Traditionally I would've made something for Wondolowski, but now I'm going to spend a few hours ensuring that I have a well made and laminated #WengerOUT sign."

Friends state that Ingram frequently threatened to bring a WengerOUT sign if things did not improve for Arsenal, but previously held off. This season, though, Ingram has been strident that he will do anything to remove Wenger from his, "unmitigate corruption of all things holy in the world," as Ingram ranted on his Facebook page.

"Jack's just going to say it's all a joke," stated friend Dominic Gooden. "But you don't make a dumb sign like that and take it to a game that has nothing to do with Arsenal to have it be a joke. I've told him a million times that it's dumb to bring that sign to an Earthquakes game, but....Jack's Jack.... if you know what I mean."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a confident Ingram readies for his moment in the sun.

President Trump Pushes USSF To Use FIFA Gamers For US Men's National Team

WASHINGTON - Stating, "video games get bigly results," a seemingly syphilitic Donald Trump reportedly pressured the US Soccer Federation (USSF) to utilize the nation's FIFA Gamers for the United States Men's National Team.

According to insider sources, President Trump came to this conclusion after conflating School Violence with Violent Video games as he suddenly exclaimed, "I know how to fix the United States Men's National Team."

With the federation calling in gamers from across the United States for a camp and scrimmage in Bradenton, Florida, sources indicate that the results have been mixed, so far.

"Well, um.... it appears that video games don't really seem to translate to real life," stated one anonymous assistant coach. "Honestly, I don't think any of these guys have kicked a ball recently..... maybe ever. I'm not certain how this is going to work out. They keep yelling stuff like TRIANGLE, TRIANGLE, and I thought they were trying a formation shift, but then they said that's how they get a through ball."

The Nutmeg News was able to confirm that FIFA player Jason "DicksOutForHaramBentner" Lewis was called into the national team and he reported that the setup was, "dope."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when USSF orders twenty cases of Mountain Dew in order to get the best performance out of the national team.

Doubting Player Kicked Off SheBelieves Squad

Columbus, OH - Just days away from kickoff in the SheBelieves Cup, French midfielder Claudette Bernard was told to go home after confirming that she privately admitted that she doubted whether the side would win the SheBelieves Cup.

This is both a stupid article and an out of date infographic.

Bernard reportedly had the conversation late in the evening on the 26th of February after training was over. Her comments were reportedly grounds for dismissal from the squad.

"I believe in myself," stated a crestfallen Bernard to The Nutmeg News. "However, it is very true that there are many great teams in this tournament, so I cannot say that we will win the cup."

Fans were aghast at the news as Theresa Williams from San Jose stated, "This is the SheBelieves cup, not the SheDoesn'tBelieve Cup. I'm only here for the players that believe!"

After being shunned due to her godless atheistic tendencies, Bernard stated that she wouldn't stop believing in herself while being realistic, unless that starts to mess with her bottom line as she stated, "I still believe! Believe me! She Believes... in herself... I just have to admit that there are many good....." 

The Nutmeg News will have less from Bernard unless SheBelieves in the future.

Ultra Exchange Program Shows The Highs And Lows Of Being A Supporter

EDINBURGH - Reports from the newly instituted Ultra Exchange Program shows the highs and lows of being a supporter as Thomas Evans of Littleton, Colorado exchanged places with Connor McDougal of Edinburgh, Scotland for the month.

A confident Evans departed Denver International Airport (DIA) for the Six Nations Tournament to replace Evans as a Scottish Ultra with the knowledge that he would be well prepared for the antics due to his involvement with the Colorado Rapids Ultras groups.

Letters from the front line show a curious and confident Evans as he wrote home from the beginning of his trip.

"Dearest Mother,

May God almighty give me the good faith to persevere through the trials ahead me. I have been in the land of Scots for 48 hours and find them to be a good but energetic peoples. I hired a translator named Angus to help me communicate in the local dialect which appears to be a combination of swears, slang and rough grunting. The food here exists. We must push ahead to our date at the Murrayfield Stadium. There we will renew the age old battle with tremendous vigor. My great uncle dated a Scottish woman, once, so I don this kilt and kit with humility in acknowledgement of my lineage.

The football is on at a normal time, mama. You wouldn't not believe it. Why a man could support many teams in the English competition with this much time. I, myself, clad in a Sheffield Wednesday scarf that I purchased from an Armenian man on the Ebay was plied with large drafts of beer and so the trip began. 

Yours in love,

Thomas Evans."

According to his host family, Evans hasn't been seen since Scotland defeated England 3 days ago. His last communication to his family was the following text message.

"Must come home, Puke Piles everywhere. Too much Buckfast. My Adidas are covered in vomit after I slipped and fell. Nothing like The Real Football Factories With Danny Dyer. Too much walking. No one wants to drive. Why, God, Why."

Conversely, Scottish Rugby Ultra Connor McDougal admitted that he is having a fantastic time in Evan's Littleton home as he was found watching English, European, and American soccer games on his couch eating Captain Crunch after consuming a large amount of Cannibus from a dispensary near Evan's home.

"Aye," stated McDougal as he pulled up a laptop to watch a Youtube stream of a pre-season MLS game. "This game is great, it is so slow. I like that its slower so I can follow along... or am... I following along? Is this here .... now or a stream from later..... like..... a future stream in the past?"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as McDougal attempts to figure out how to stream the Ireland v Scotland game while timing his edible marijuana brownies and friends mount a rescue mission to extract Evans from a Celtic soccer bar in Glasgow where the Sheffield Wednesday scarf was mistaken for Rangers.

"This Is The Year I Enjoy Fantasy Soccer," Claims Delusional Fan

Oklahoma City, OK - Delusional Oklahoma Energy fan Coleen Warner claimed that, "THIS is the year I enjoy Major League Soccer fantasy soccer," before logging in to create her 2018 team.

FANTASY! SWORDS AND SORCERY! Ureñaexpelliarmus

"Granted I didn't stick with the game in 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and 2011, but that was different. THIS year I'm going to stay committed beyond week three to finishing out the league and actually enjoy myself," claimed Warner before her friends started subtly laughing at her. 

While Ms. Warner has continually created a team only to forget half way through the season that they even existed, she is adamant that this is the season of change.

"It's going to happen. I'm enjoying it all. I'm actually studying players and trends that successful fantasy players use to achieve success in their leagues. I'm actually going to remember to log into my team each week to adjust my team based on injuries and I'm planning on continuing even if my team loses massively in week 2," stated Ms. Warner to The Nutmeg News

Friends of Ms. Warner claimed that this is all hollow talk that she uses every year to talk herself into playing a game that is just fundamentally not that much fun.

The Nutmeg News spoke to friend Laura Ingrahm about Ms Warner and she had the following to say, "Once the Energy season kicks off she will forget all about this. Nobody cares about the points that Jalil Anibaba gets you in week 6 when you forgot to log in for the past 4 weeks."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Ms. Warner continues to believe that this is the season for fantasy fun.

D.C. United Offer La Barra Brava, La Norte And The District Ultras Premium Seats In RFK Stadium For 2018 Season

WASHINGTON - After a dramatic showdown over who has the rights to the supporters section in Audi Field came to a head, a chastened D.C. United offered La Barra Brava, La Norte and the District Ultras premium seats in RFK Stadium for the 2018 season.

The sign of unified supporters groups is doing the same T.I.F.O twice at the same time. next to each other.

"We care about our supporters groups and that is why we've excluded three of them from the supporters section and exiled them to RFK stadium," stated Tom Hunt, President of Business Operations. "They seem to love it there so we are just going to ensure that they are seated exactly where they love to be and we can continue in our quest to ensure that our supporters groups are in partnership with our ideal demographic."

The news broke recently when it was announced that the Screaming Eagles would have exclusive rights to the Audi Field supporters section and would be the only supporters group selling tickets for the section. 

When asked whether this was fair for the other supporters groups that stood by their side over the past 22 years the Screaming Eagles stated, "Who?"

D.C. United fans who stand with La Barra Brava, La Norte and the District Ultras state that the front office is using a partnership between it and the Screaming Eagles to isolate the three groups and stop them from existing, but the front office says it couldn't be farther from the truth.

"We don't want them to stop existing, we just want them to stop coming to the games. See the difference? That's why we are opening up the lower bowl of RFK to whomever wants to come see the nothing that is put out every week. It'll be just like the 2013 season but without the US Open Cup."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Screaming Eagles and D.C. United front office backpedal and claim they were misunderstood.

Orlando City Begin Plans To Acquire Luis Robles At The End Of 2018 Season

ORLANDO - Orlando City stated that they were beginning plans to acquire Luis Robles from Red Bull New York after the veteran goalkeeper was named team captain for 2018 thus assuring that he will be traded during the offseason.

"We are excited to put in a bid for Luis and we can't wait to acquire him," stated CEO Alex Leitão. "We believe that Luis will be a great acquisition for us and give us a calming presence on our back line."

Fans of Red Bull New York indicated their displeasure in the player being named captain as the 6 year Red Bull player has weathered many storms in his career.

"I JUST bought a Robles kit," stated Jim Webbing of New York. "To hand this man the captaincy after all he's done? How could they do that to him!?"

With insider sources saying that Robles departure is now inevitable, a behind the scenes bidding war has begun for his services as many teams are already moving theoretical money for other theoretical money in order to be prepared to offer more theoretical money to New York when the time arises for them to trade Robles.

"I can't wait to see Luis in Purple," stated Orlando City fan Jeff Gutierrez. "The fact that we would be getting another captain from New York just shows our ability to attract talent."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans bemoan the appointment of Robles to the role.

National Journalist Spends Extra Hour Correcting Number Of Gs In Gregg Berhalter Story

WASHINGTON - National soccer journalist Thomas Willis reportedly spent the last hour scanning through his in depth review of the Columbus Crew and Gregg Berhalter looking for the number of Gs in the head coaches name.

"Every time I think I have it fixed, I find another Greg instead of Gregg," stated Willis to The Nutmeg News. "I've reviewed in 4 times and I keep thinking I'd find one and then it's there again. And while I'm searching for misspellings I'm consistently updating the story which means I have to go back and make certain I didn't spell it wrong again."

According to his editor, Willis stated that he was determined to not have to update the column after it was published as his last column contained two Gregg references and two Greg references.

"It's not going to happen again," muttered Willis to himself at his keyboard. "I'm going to make it through without another Greg."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when Willis realizes that he incorrectly spells Berhalter in the first sentence of the piece.

Only Two More Weeks Until Procrastinating Fan Finally Starts Working On T.I.F.O. Idea

TORONTO - Only two more weeks remain until procrastinating soccer fan Susanne Fellows works on a T.I.F.O idea at the last minute for her beloved defending MLS Cup champions, Toronto FC.

"I've got the genesis of an idea that is percolating around in my brain, but I plan on not working on it until the 24 hours before first kick on March 3rd," stated Fellows to The Nutmeg News.

Fellows has long stated, "You can't rush the process," which is just code for inability to commit to something until the deadline is breathing down her neck.

"I just need some further inspiration," stated Fellows on her Instagram group chat as she continued to put off the tracing and painting of the much discussed two-pole/two-stick. 

According to friends, Fellows plans on attacking the T.I.F.O like she attacked her term papers in college. That is, with much caffeine, cigarettes, panic and a late night listening of Meat Is Murder by The Smiths.

"It's going to work out just fine," lied Fellows to herself as he prepared again to work under the gun before first kick.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Fellows attempts to make a last minute change only to realize that the original design she finished in January was far superior.

NWSL Waiting To See If Any Other Teams Are Going To Go Out Of Business Before Releasing Schedule

A spokesperson for the National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) stated that the league was waiting to see if any of the other teams within the league are planning on going out of business before the league releases the 2018 schedule.

We remember when Kansas City had a championship women's team.

"We need to keep costs low," stated managing director of operations Amanda Duffy. "If another team goes out of business we would have to re-print the promotional calendars that we are distributing to realtors in the Orlando area."

According to sources within the league, after losing Western New York Flash, the Boston Breakers and FC Kansas City within the last 3 seasons, the league put an emphasis on ensuring that they wait to see if any other teams are going to go out of business.

"It's important for us to do a health and well being check with each of the teams in the league before we release the schedule," stated Carla Holman of the NWSL. "We need to ensure that we aren't going to release the schedule and then find out that Sky Blue are completely insolvent. Wait.... Sky Blue ARE still around, right? Someone put in a call!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the dramatic fluctuations of a nascent league prove troublesome for the soul of women's soccer fans across the nation.

Liverpool Fan Casually Suggests Valentines Lunch At Soccer Bar

San Diego, CA - Liverpool fan Sean Driscoll casually suggested to his girlfriend of 5 months Sandra that they have a special Valentine's Day lunch at Shakespeare Pub & Grille while forgetting to mention that Liverpool are playing Porto in the Champions League at 11:45 am.

Well......... Their kits are red.

Stating, "I love you honey. I took some time off work today just for you! Let's get lunch SMILEY FACE EMOJI," Discroll took his deception to unknown heights as he stated that Sandra had, "Always wanted to go try some English bar food, right?"

Friends and family state that they told Driscoll that this will probably, "Not go well." However, the diehard fan stated his intention to combine the things he loves into one giant mishmash of feelings.

"Nothing can go wrong with this at all," stated Driscoll as he steamed ahead into dangerous waters. "This is going to go great."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as it, reportedly, does not go well when Driscoll becomes aware that his girlfriend is a Manchester United fan.

USSF President Announces Cuts To Food Accessibility For GA Ticket Holders

CHICAGO - Incoming US Soccer Federation (USSF) President Carlos Cordeiro released, on Tuesday, his new budget detailing austerity cuts to stadium food accessability for people holding general admission tickets as his attempt to, "reign in spending on social programs," begins.

President Cordeiro's new budget would severely restrict the kinds of foods that GA Ticket recipients could buy during US Soccer Games.

"No more of this Thai curry with chicken, gourmet tacos and Sushi roll stuff, " Stated Cordeiro to The Nutmeg News. "We're done with this. We aren't here to contribute to the social well being of those in General Admission and the cheap seats. That was the old way, the new way is you get Bud Light, Peanuts, and maybe Popcorn on Sundays if you are good and don't say anything about the 2018 World Cup qualifying campaign."

Cordeiro continued his comments on the GA Ticket holders stating, "If they can't afford to actually pay for real seats, they don't need things like craft beers and fancy food. Save that for those that actually care to support the team for real. GA might as well be FL for freeloader. The people who pay real money to see the games are tired of carrying their sorry asses. Hopefully this will encourage them to go out, get a job, pull themselves up by their bootstraps and buy better seats. If they want to contribute more money to our organization we can talk about some pupusas."

Cordeiro's proposal would require people who pay less than $100 a ticket from the federation to get about half of their stadium food in the form of a “USDA food package,” rather than getting fresh cooked food every time, TNN repoirts.

"We will have a lovely collection of frozen freedom fries and cold USDA Beef-ish hot dogs for anyone who sits in GA," stated Cordeiro.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as stadium's across the US say, "what will be different?"

"I Prefer the Aesthetics Of 'Live At Jittery Joes' Over The Polished Feel Of 'In The Aeroplane Over The Sea'," states Bespectacled Graham Zusi

Kansas City, KS - A bestpectacled and bearded Graham Zusi stated emphatically that, "I prefer the aesthetics of 'Live At Jittery Joes' over the polished feel of 'In The Aeroplane Over The Sea,' as he commented on the legacy of legendary band Neutral Milk Hotel during a wide ranging interview on Monday.

"You can really feel the authenticity in the tone of LAJJ. I'm planning on writing a thesis about post-war influences on the identity of Jeff Mangum that I will release to my zine."

As Zusi took an unpopular opinion about the legacy of Jeff Mangum's passion project, he artfully pulled off his glasses and gesticulated wildly as he spoke at length about a variety of intersecting thoughts.

"Peter really has us play like we are recording Avery Island, which is to say very gritty and very committed to the process. We take influence from the intersection of nature and the thoughts of what Mangum meant when he sings, 'With their hearts hanging open all over the sheets,' from A Baby for Pree. I mean, I feel like that isn't so much an observation as it is a dialectical method indicating contra-knowledge sharing and the gegenpress."

Family say that Zusi spent the last 3 months of the MLS offseason locked in his bedroom repeatedly listening to In The Aeroplane Over The Sea as he started a pastiche art project of newspaper clippings.

"He hasn't been the same since he told me that the music was speaking to him," stated Peter Vermes. "I was really hoping he meant in a way that made him excel at he beep test."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Zusi announces his application of Zoroastrian imagery in his new art project, "out wide with the ball at my feet".

Man Entirely Too Reasonable For Soccer Twitter

Denver, CO - Stating, "I just like a place where I can have a conversation with my friends," Twitter user and Rapids fan Phil Spooner was exposed as being entirely too reasonable for Soccer Twitter.

See!? He is even smiling. What a jerk.

"He never says anything controversial and just likes to use the medium for information on his favorite players and finding out what his fellow fans are doing," stated friend Austin "@KroenkeOut9999" Thurgood.  "I tried to get him to join an online conversation about the overall finances, ownership struggles and direction of the Rapids over the past few years and he stated that he thought that it could be better but that he thought that he would wait out the season before making any rash statements about the direction of the team. What a dick. I don't come on this website for intelligent and well thought out arguments, Phil."

Sporting a whopping 78 followers, Spooner's Twitter account last posted some very positive messaging about a great dinner experience, an entry into an MLS Sweepstakes and his excitement over the 2018 season.

"It's important for me to really think about the consequences of what I'm for and against before making a blanket statement about something," stated Spooner to The Nutmeg News. "I like to collect all the information, figure out the facts and then verify that what I'm thinking about is correct. Often times what I'll find is that some bias or personal issue of mine is blinding me to an obvious fact that resolves the aggrieved feeling I have towards that particular item. In which case, I feel relieved that I haven't tweeted about my aggrieved feelings."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Spooner is slowly corrupted until he starts posting emoji hot takes about Carlos Cordeiro.

After Failing To Get Rose, ABC Confirms Eric Wynalda To Be Next "Candidate"

After failing to get a rose from Sunil Gulati during the US Soccer Federation presidential election, fan favorite Eric Wynalda was confirmed by American Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) to be the next Candidate on the hit television show The Candidate.

"We think Eric will be a great contestant on The Candidate," stated Channing Dungey, executive VP of drama. "We know that many people connected with him during his time on the USSF Election and we feel like he will be a great asset for us on the new season."

Dungey confirmed that Wynalda will be interviewing for a number of different federation positions throughout sports as he tries to find the right position that will allow him to implement change.

"Eric will be going on interviews with the US Ski Federation, the US Luge Federation, US Figure Skating, and 12 other federation candidates. It will be a passion fueled enterprise that will allow him to work to change these federations for the better."

Fans are asked to look out for the Hot Tub Confessional when the clothes come off and the conversation becomes sensual.

You won't want to miss a second of the action when The Candidate premieres MONDAY, MAY 22 9|8c on ABC.

"Carlos Cordeiro Has Been In Charge 30 Minutes And Hasn't Implemented My Demands That I Wrote Down In Blood And Mailed To The USSF Two Months Ago"

Richmond, VA - Soccer fan Paul Williams stated that he was frustrated with the new US Soccer Federation President elected roughly 30 minutes ago as he stated, "Carlos Cordeiro has been in charge 30 Minutes and hasn't implemented my demands I wrote down in blood and mailed to the USSF two months ago."

"Ok, this isn't going to work, how do I make MORE of a statement!"

According to Williams he reached out to US Soccer via an irate letter posted from his hometown of Richmond where he scrawled in blood all the important changes he thought was necessary and detailed the high level conspiracy between SUM, US Soccer and the Mexican federation to keep the US Docile and unable to compete for the World Cup.

"He's had 30 minutes and I haven't seen ANY of the sweeping changes I demanded," ranted Williams to his Facebook page. "I didn't expect much, but I did expect him to immediately demand an end to pay to play and a path forward for the deportation of Mexican-American dual nationals that don't want to play for the United States, the greatest country in the world."

Sources with US Soccer indicate that they did receive the rambling statement, however the letter was immediately thrown in the waste bin for obvious reasons.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Williams arguments are taken to Twitter for the next 10 years.