EDINBURGH - Reports from the newly instituted Ultra Exchange Program shows the highs and lows of being a supporter as Thomas Evans of Littleton, Colorado exchanged places with Connor McDougal of Edinburgh, Scotland for the month.
A confident Evans departed Denver International Airport (DIA) for the Six Nations Tournament to replace Evans as a Scottish Ultra with the knowledge that he would be well prepared for the antics due to his involvement with the Colorado Rapids Ultras groups.
Letters from the front line show a curious and confident Evans as he wrote home from the beginning of his trip.
May God almighty give me the good faith to persevere through the trials ahead me. I have been in the land of Scots for 48 hours and find them to be a good but energetic peoples. I hired a translator named Angus to help me communicate in the local dialect which appears to be a combination of swears, slang and rough grunting. The food here exists. We must push ahead to our date at the Murrayfield Stadium. There we will renew the age old battle with tremendous vigor. My great uncle dated a Scottish woman, once, so I don this kilt and kit with humility in acknowledgement of my lineage.
The football is on at a normal time, mama. You wouldn't not believe it. Why a man could support many teams in the English competition with this much time. I, myself, clad in a Sheffield Wednesday scarf that I purchased from an Armenian man on the Ebay was plied with large drafts of beer and so the trip began.
Yours in love,
According to his host family, Evans hasn't been seen since Scotland defeated England 3 days ago. His last communication to his family was the following text message.
"Must come home, Puke Piles everywhere. Too much Buckfast. My Adidas are covered in vomit after I slipped and fell. Nothing like The Real Football Factories With Danny Dyer. Too much walking. No one wants to drive. Why, God, Why."
Conversely, Scottish Rugby Ultra Connor McDougal admitted that he is having a fantastic time in Evan's Littleton home as he was found watching English, European, and American soccer games on his couch eating Captain Crunch after consuming a large amount of Cannibus from a dispensary near Evan's home.
"Aye," stated McDougal as he pulled up a laptop to watch a Youtube stream of a pre-season MLS game. "This game is great, it is so slow. I like that its slower so I can follow along... or am... I following along? Is this here .... now or a stream from later..... like..... a future stream in the past?"
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as McDougal attempts to figure out how to stream the Ireland v Scotland game while timing his edible marijuana brownies and friends mount a rescue mission to extract Evans from a Celtic soccer bar in Glasgow where the Sheffield Wednesday scarf was mistaken for Rangers.