Under the terms of the proposed legislation, $1 trillion dollars from the U.S. treasury would be earmarked for payments necessary to facilitate Haaland’s transfer to an as-yet unidentified MLS team. Yellen outlined the legislation as providing $250 billion to Manchester City to immediately terminate Haaland’s current contract thus making Haaland a free agent able to sign with MLS, $100 billion to the English Premier League to approve that termination, $500 billion to pay for a new MLS contract for Haaland, with the remaining $150 billion to be allocated to “unspecified additional considerations” necessary to cement the deal. Yellen would not elaborate to whom the “unspecified additional considerations” would be paid, although they did indicate that the Treasury Department was going to create a slush fund to buy $250K RVs for 4 Supreme Court justices
During the press conference, Fox News personality Peter Doocy asked Biden why the deal wouldn’t “blow up” the already-inflated U.S. national debt, and pay “foreigners” to “take away American jobs.” Yellen stepped in with a chart indicating that the deal was projected by the Treasury Department to actually reduce the deficit, by, among other things “providing shovel-ready working class jobs, to building Macaranã-sized [the São Paulo stadium with a seating capacity of 200,000] facilities in every MLS city,” “increasing AppleTV’s subscriber base to an estimated 4 billion,” and “beefing up U.S. and state tax revenues as the result of hyper-inflated SeatGeek ticket resales.”
Haaland, who broke the Premier League’s single season goals record last year, is currently on pace to score 120 goals in the just-commenced 2023-24 38-game Premier League season. Biden indicated that scientists and the United States’ Sandia National Labs, using the latest supercomputing technology, project that if Haaland were to come to MLS, he would break Carlos Vela’s single-season goal record of 34 by his 4th MLS game, and Chris Wondoloski’s all-time goal scoring record of 171 midway through his first season. Garber noted that, “We think Haaland has a chance to bring over the ‘Barstool Sports’ fans, who claim that what soccer needs is more scoring, to MLS. With Haaland’s projected 10 goals-per-game scoring pace, those fans will no doubt flock to MLS.”
When the Nutmeg News pointed out to Biden that the projected benefits to the U.S. economy from this legislation might hit a snag given that Vancouver Whitecaps hold Haaland’s MLS “discovery rights,” Garber stepped up to the podium, and said, with a wink “I’ve ‘discovered’ that that rule doesn’t apply in this situation.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Tucker Carlson interviews Geoff Cameron about his feelings on the Haaland-to-MLS legislation and his own gubernatorial run on the “woke is broke” philosophy in Texas.
