KANSAS CITY - 36 year old network technician Randy Williams stated that he, apparently, has a really good chance at making the Sporting KC roster this season as the team reached out to him in desperation to fill out the lineup.

“Don’t get me wrong, I wont be starting,” stated Williams to The Nutmeg News. “Not at first, but look my D1 NCAA background from 16 years ago had them interested and they said they could pay me in 20% off coupons on stadium concessions and I’m already going to be there ANYWAY. It’s a win win.”

Sources say that SKC have been desperately scouring the area for any additional signings they can make for really really really really really really really cheap as they begin their quest for the Wooden Spoon in 2026.

“We just need a breathing human with a basic understanding of the game,” stated one SKC insider. “At this point, a body will do.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Williams finds himself starting by week 5.