FIFA (the international money laundering organization) announced, today, that all Venezuelan players were now eligible for the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT) per a new rule in the laws of the game that dictates that the Peace Prize and War Prize recipient is allowed to invade any country to bolster his home countries chance of winning.

“This isn’t a one time switch because Venezuela as we know it doesn’t exist anymore,” stated one FIFA executive. “Players will now have the option to play for the USMNT or not play internationally at all.”

Sources say that this came as a surprise to all Venezuelan soccer players as they woke up one morning and the United States was initiating a coup d'état in their country.

However, as nearly every other country in South America stated, “it really isn’t THAT surprising.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as your local elected official has a STRONGLY worded response read by a staffer.