FIFA (the international money laundering organization) announced that President Donald Trump was awarded the newly created 2026 FIFA War Prize after his air strikes, incursion and coup overnight in Venezuela.

“President Trump has exemplified the best of FIFA procedures by saying one thing and doing another,” stated a FIFA representative. “He promised peace, delivered war, and then claimed it was the fault of the people he bombed. No one has ever exemplified the duplicity and pernicious rat-fucking that FIFA does on an international level better than the President of the United States.”

Sources say that Trump was awarded the Ribbon of War at a private event after which the team broke for orange slices and nap time.

“He was very excited,” stated one anonymous source. “and everyone who attended the war virtually received a participation medal in the Venezuela War”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as FIFA announces President Trump to receive the “best defender” award at the upcoming FIFA team pizza dinner.