Portland, OR - Sources within the Portland Police Bureau claim that bureau heads offered the wildfire a safe escort through downtown Portland as officers worked behind the scenes to ensure the rights of the wildfire to burn the city down around the heads of the people who live there.
“They reached out through text messages to the wildfire to ask if they needed any cover or help this week,” stated one source with the PPB. “They are very concerned as many officers have an association with wildfires in some way or another and they want to ensure that the wildfire is taken care of to the best of their ability.”
Portland police officer Lt. Steven Anderson stated that it is, “not uncommon for officers to provide guidance for someone or something to turn themselves in if the subject is not yet present.”
However, activists say this points to a direct link between the police encouraging violent agitation and fire directly in the city.
“It’s not surprising that the Portland Police would do something like this,” stated one person who requested anonymity. “If they aren’t encouraging people to come into the city to fight with the locals they would likely encourage another group to burn it down.”
Sources with the PPB indicate that the bureau officials offered the wildfire the chance to bring guns and non-lethal methods of defense as text messages indicated they would look the other way if the wildfire also decided to mace and shoot the people who work and live in downtown Portland.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this when the wildfire covers its license plates and puts a blue line Punisher sticker on the side of a burn so the police will, “know whats up.”