League Dedicated To Centralized Command Economy And Equal Revenue Sharing Bans Communist Symbol

NEW YORK - Minnesota United and Major League Soccer (MLS) recently announced that it would ban utilization, in T.I.F.O, of the symbol of the Red Loons, a Marxist supporters group from Minnesota United, with the league stating, "The only kind of Marxism and socialism we believe is in the league version that we employ to keep costs down, competition for players between teams to a minimum, profit sharing high and our own league structure viable."

THE WORKERS WILL UNITE..... BY RAISING CANE'S CHICKEN FINGERS IN APPLE VALLEY

THE WORKERS WILL UNITE..... BY RAISING CANE'S CHICKEN FINGERS IN APPLE VALLEY

According to the Red Loons, the group is unable to use their logo in any large scale T.I.F.O with the team and league stating specifically, "NO COMMUNIST STUFF, OK? We are fine on letting a lot of stuff slide but NO commie stuff!"

Major League Soccer declined our request for an interview stating, "no comment." However, a source within the league stated, "we are kinda afraid that people will actually realize that we already are controlling the costs, the expenditures... you know the factors of production, and that this influences heavily the general footprint and growth of the league. We don't need to draw attention to the fact that we are essentially a faux-marxist collective bent on exploiting the player proletariat for the bourgeois elite that controls our teams whilst sharing the money within the league with these shareholders."

The Nutmeg News will have less on this, lets be honest.