Delicate Sensibilities Ruffled As Woman Swears In Soccer Game

Savannah, GA  - The delicate sensibilities of one Virginia Bettenworth of Savannah, Georgia were reportedly ruffled as a chance viewing of a National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) game on Lifetime exposed the aggrieved party to the visage of sporting women who may or may not swear.

Now THIS is what Mrs. Bettenworth is talking about.

Now THIS is what Mrs. Bettenworth is talking about.

"I DO DECLARE," stated Virginia Bettenworth. "My delicate sensibilities were veritably chastened by this uncouth behavior."

Bettenworth claimed that she simply sat down to watch the Lifetime movie, "Lies My Mother Told To Me," when her constitution was inflamed by the usage of words she deems offensive.

"We must BAN this filth from the field and the airwaves. Will this Stephanie McCaffrey ever get a chance to attend the annual Savannah Christmas Cotillion, now? My stars in heaven, this is why I advocated against giving women the right to vote. Isn't that right, Abner?"

"This disgust is absolutely the result of a female swearing," stated Dr Abner McCaffrey, a man, of the institute for Manal Studies at Savannah State University. "Men are allowed to be uncouth, but women must adhere to our insane morality code foisted upon them by the trappings of a slowly decaying society. That sounds bad but you must understand it is for their own benefit. If women are allowed to swear, then the next thing you know they will be allowed to sweat, and if women are allowed to sweat they will be allowed to fart, and farting leads to pooping and women must not be allowed to poop. These profane actions will lead to a woman in the White House, mark my words. We know this because there has been an increase in talk about tampons on the airwaves and many men of reported a loss in essence, possibly from fluordation but also likely caused due to overt estrogen being passed about like candy at Marijuana parties that feature Jazz Music! My STARS AND GARDENS!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as women are held to an insane standard of conduct due to idiocy.