CHICAGO - Long suffering advocates of opening the US Soccer Federation (USSF) pyramid were shocked as the USSF Pyramid was opened late Thursday evening to reveal Gozer the Destroyer, hell bent upon destruction of the earth and supporting local soccer.
"Well, honestly.... I kinda expected immediate promotion/relegation and supporter owned clubs," stated Carl Vrugt of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. "To have Gozer the destroyer appear only to then speak about the importance of a hard salary budget and financial management of the league resources was, well, a bit odd."
Gozer the Destroyer (also known as Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Gozer the Traveler, Volguus Zildrohar, Lothar Matthäus and Lord of the Sebouillia) was last seen in the Dutch documentary Het bovennatuurlijke superspektakel in 1984.
During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, The Traveler came as a large and moving Torb. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose the form of a giant Sloar. During the second manifestation of the Ottwany Profinate, they chose the form of Lothar Matthäus, in an attempt to bind the New York/New Jersey Metrostars into a covenant of pain.
Promotion and Relgation advocate Richard Whitten stated, "well... honestly... I'm not certain what to say, but Gozer told us to, 'chose the form of The Destructor,' and I only thought of Don Garber and Sunil Gulati. Honestly, this whole thing is making a lot more sense now."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Dr. Peter Venkman is called to investigate these league incongruities.