Foxborough, MA - New England Revolution front office staff have gone on record this week of their concern at their recent success.
“We built a winning club based around speed, talent, and the ability of our players to communicate due to the lack of a sizable crowd. We are heavily concerned that our recent ability to win and make MLS Cup may lead to a larger crowd that makes it difficult to win at home”, said Revolution director of field operations James Granderson.
New England racked up 11 wins at home in 2014 and only lost four times on the season. Their crowd average was up from 14,861 in 2013 to 16,681 in 2014.
Mr. Granderson continued his comments, “It is a very concerning situation because our players get used to playing in a 68,000 seat stadium with only 11 to 16 thousand fans, and now we are getting more and more people at our games. The larger crowds will have an impact on the ability of our players to talk freely about what they need to do out there. We have been trying for years to quiet down our supporters groups under the pretense of foul language and code violations. Now we are going to have to ask everyone else to just be quiet and sit on their hands. It is entirely possible that we may have to drum up a fake controversy about supporters groups using abusive language to drive the average mom and pop fan away from Gillette just to keep our home field advantage of eerie quiet displacement.”
Mr. Granderson would not address the rumors that in order to keep the fan base low Robert Kraft has suggested that New England fire all the coaching staff, sell Lee Nguyen and make the rest of the players perform halftime sketch comedy with a malfunctioning microphone and a no cursing rule in the supporters section known as The Fort.
“All options are on the table, so I can’t comment on anything in particular but one method might be for us to switch the beer that we sell to only non-alcoholic beer, disallow any form of tailgating on or off the stadium grounds, and mandate breathalyzer entry requirements, which would seriously take a lot of the edge right out of the supporters group from the beginning.”