LOS ANGELES - Touting their new partnership with DoorDash, Angel City FC representatives stated that the partnership will allow Angel City players an additional job opportunity so they can afford rent in the greater Los Angeles area.
“It’s not a side hustle if it is a partner,” stated Angel City FC spokesman Charles Amari. “This situation is what we call vertical integration. This allows our players to really help our local communities as we will happily be taking 20% of the player paycheck in order to give back to the community and add more grassroots restaurant franchises like McDonalds and Taco Bell.”
Sources indicate that Angel City is absolutely bullish on this strategic partnership changing the way in which the entirety of the NWSL operates.
“We know the players said no more side hustles, but this isn’t a side hustle. This is additional community service with a valued partner for which our players are also paid and a way for them to connect with the fans. This will allow us to employ our players full time via a profit sharing methodology where DoorDash shares their profits with us and we share our profits with our shareholders.”
Leaked files shared with The Nutmeg News indicate that Angel City plans to have players not only deliver late night food in order to make their bills, but they will also deliver surprise season tickets via their DoorDash routes.
“This is our way of giving back,” stated Amari. “And its our way of ensuring that our athletes are grounded in the community by fully understanding the indentured nature of the gig economy. This is also our way of finding out which players have a reliable car as we can offer them decent rates on the purchase of a brand new luxury car, once we announce our new partnership. We believe that DoorDash shows the utopic possibility that happens when an workforce of disparate and non-union employees band together to squeeze more productivity out of their day because they need to pay off a emergency room visit and ambulance ride from 2012.”
When asked about how this went over with the players Union, the Angel City FC executives said they didn’t know what that was."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Angel City orders a 2:00 pm delivery from Burger King in order to ensure that their backup goalkeeper makes it to practice on time.