Phoenix Man Finally Crawls Out From Under Bleachers After Dollar Beer Night

Phoenix, AZ - Reports from the stands indicate that Pheonix Man Carlos Villareal finally crawled out from under the bleachers at Casino Arizona Field and returned home after the recent Dollar Beer Night promotion put together by Phoenix Rising on July 19th.

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO DRINK MASS QUANTITIES OF BUD LIGHT?! READY TO RE-LIVE COLLEGE?!

DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO DRINK MASS QUANTITIES OF BUD LIGHT?! READY TO RE-LIVE COLLEGE?!

“Oh shit,” stated Villareal as he held his head, looked at the sun and checked his pockets for his sunglasses and keys. “What day is it?”

Dollar Beer Night at Phoenix Rising has fast become one of the best promotions in the United Soccer League, however it has lead to its own challenges as fans experience their own version of time travel related to the mass quantities of Beer being ingested.

“I had um….. um…… um…. I had… an appointment with, um…. a real… er.. a realtor,” stated Villareal as he attempted to find his car and the biggest bottle of Gatorade and Pedialyte he could find. “I’m going to have to re… whatever.. um… schedule, oh god my head.”

According to insider sources with the team, cots were set up and extra medics on staff to ensure that everyone made it out of the game alive.

“We are bound to miss a few of our exuberant fans,” stated one anonymous employee. “However, we just told the grounds crew and security to let them sleep it off, no matter how long it takes.”

With the next Phoenix Rising game away at Tulsa, the grounds crew stated that they would’ve let him sleep it off until the weekend, but were concerned about his health as they left him some water and some food.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Villareal prepares for the next dollar beer night on the 16th of August by doing a juice cleanse and then focusing on couch to AA program.