"And That's My Long Form Piece On The Enganche Position In Lower Division Argentina Football," Says Writer Applying For Subway Sandwich Artist Position

BOSTON - Unemployed soccer writer Isaac Seward was reportedly having difficulty shopping around his talents to local businesses in the Boston area by utilizing his long form piece on the Enganche position in South America.

"Would like cheese? Would you like a story about the tarnished legacy of Brazilian superstar Garrincha?"

"Would like cheese? Would you like a story about the tarnished legacy of Brazilian superstar Garrincha?"

"I've applied with Dunken Donuts, Downtown Convenience, and Subway without success," stated the long time SB Nation writer and sometime contributor to Four Four Two magazine. "I don't understand how they can't see that my talents lend themselves to their company."

Subway manager Dana O'leary stated that she thought Mr Seward probably could do the job, but that she was concerned that his ability to go on and on and on about trivial and esoteric items in world soccer would lend itself to him not properly cleaning out the bread machine at the end of the evening shift.

"It's great that he has been writing for 4 years for what appears to be some blog company, but if he wants to write he shouldn't be applying at subway. Maybe he should be applying to Sports Illustrated or something. He is presenting himself as being overqualified for this job, but his only qualification is, apparently, remembering obscure facts from a sport that isn't very popular here."

For his part, Mr. Seward appeared to not be bothered by his rejection from Subway as he stated, "I'm going to apply to ESPN for a long form journalism piece. I'm guessing after they finish firing everyone, they are going to need to hire someone. It makes complete sense. And then my resume of writing for free will come into play."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as, in the mean time, Mr. Seward applies to Roxy's Gourmet Grilled Cheese food cart.