"We tried LITERALLY everything else," stated an exasperated Oscar Pareja as he swept the burning sage bundle over the FC Dallas locker room that reportedly carried extra negative energy. "At this point, for us, the only thing we haven't tried is some sage, have a seance and if that doesn't work? Come back in 2018 and just forget about what happened."
Reportedly, team officials are looking into whether Pareja or Clark Hunt inadvertently or intentionally were the recipient of a curse put upon them, or if the problem could be explained by any other methodology that would explain one win in 14 games.
"We aren't certain what happened, but we are employing the finest Bruja consultants in the DFW metroplex to resolve this issue. Our aura's must be cleansed," stated equipment manager Stephen Gotschalk.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as FC Dallas align their heart chakra with clear energy crystals to bring a good result.