WASHINGTON - Washington Times Gazette soccer writer Jim "teddy" Teddington continued to conflate Portland, Oregon and Austin, Texas as being, "essentially the same place," without actually travelling to either city.
"They both have young people, and they both have old people, and they both have a lot of um........... hipsters.......soooooooo.............. yeah," mumbled Teddington to himself as he finished another column about the bright future of Austin soccer.
Friends state that Teddington came to the conclusion that Austin and Portland are the exact same city when he saw a picture of a bearded man running a microbrewery in Austin and assumed it was a picture from Portland.
"Beards! Beer! ... um...... BEARDS! It's gotta be the same! No one's realized this before," exclaimed an exited Teddington as he planned a future trip to South by Southwest for some research into brand activation and market penetration of soccer in South Texas.... and some bands, if he has time. "If soccer works in Portland it ABSOLUTELY is going to work in Austin. They are literally the same place. I bet they even would have the same soccer chants."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Teddington turns in another column on "Precourt and Austin: How The Portland Timbers Predicted This."