Two-Pole/Two-Stick Descriptor War Rages On

The online war over the descriptor of hand held T.I.F.O attached to either dowels or PVC raged on as supporters on both sides of the debate continued to vary their descriptor as to convey some level of exclusivity.

This was 5 seasons ago, so some things MAY have changed

This was 5 seasons ago, so some things MAY have changed

"It's two-pole. You hold a pole and you have two of them," stated Sounders fan Brodrick Terrence. "How is this hard?! HOW ARE WE STILL ARGUING THIS. It's not a fucking stick. Is it wooden? Did it come from a tree? Do you throw it and have your damn dog fetch it? NO. It's not a fucking stick. It's a pole! It's not offside-rule complicated, people. It is poles."

Mr Terrence's passionate plea for two-pole action was taken by the New North Seattle Two-Pole Association For Pole Solidarity, a Super PAC formed for the express idea of furthering the definition of hand held T.I.F.O as a two-pole. 

The ideas espoused by Mr Terrence are not held up by his North End Faithful compatriot, Derryk Hays, who stated, "I call them two-pipes. It's PVC pipe... you know? I mean, I think we could also call them two-tubes. That's pretty good descriptor."

Chicago Fire fans, as well, had a schism in their ranks with fans rallying around two-pole and two-stick definitions as the argument proved to be even more nuanced than the current build of the Andrew Hauptman Memorial Wooden Spoon trophy.

"It's a two-stick. I will not let the Fire media define my obsession with painting Calvin urinating on a Hauptman sign as a two-pole," stated Fire fan Leonardo Guzman. 

"We, the rebellion against two-pole definitions, have gone away from using THEIR word for our activity. It's all about two-sticks now. Also, to be very honest... I got tired of explaining that we weren't hoisting Polish people up. We don't have enough people to safely let people crowd surf, these days."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the name is changed to Three-Pole/Three-Stick, as two PVC poles aren't enough.