Orlando, FL - In an effort at spreading the good word of soccer, newly minted Orlando City SC fan Gabriel Valens spent the entire Super Bowl comparing the NFL championship game to a soccer game for all to hear.
After showing up to the party without beer and wearing a Brek Shea Orlando City kit, Valens repeatedly stated, "IF THIS WAS SOCCER, THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY TIME OUTS," as he attempted to really get more people into watching soccer this year. "WE WOULDN'T HAVE CHEERLEADERS AND THE GAME NEVER STOPS. I MEAN, I WOULD LIKELY BE HOME BY NOW AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT HALF TIME."
While Valens thought this was a good way to spread the gospel of soccer as being a better sport than the National Football League, most of his friends just thought he was being an annoying prick and it made them hate the game even more.
"You come into my house, eat my guacamole and tell me that the game we are watching is shit? Everyone knows this game usually sucks, but don't bring my party down," stated party host Martin Blaylock. "I'm not inviting him back next year, and I'm also not telling him that I'm a season ticket holder for OCSC. He was barking up the wrong tree with me."
Despite this awkward moment, Valens continued his tirade by tweeting comparisons of the Super Bowl and Soccer, and then reading them out to everyone at the watch party while the action was unfolding during the 3rd quarter.
"DID I MENTION THERE ARE NO TIMEOUTS? HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THAT ARTICLE WHERE IT SAYS THE NFL ONLY HAS 5 MINUTES OF ACTION?! GOD THIS GAME IS STUPID," screamed Valens into the void as all of his friends selectively tuned him out.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Valens attempts to write a long winded blog post about his observations and his attempt to convert his friends to soccer fans.