TORONTO - Maples Leafs fan Damien Cogsworth admitted that his passionate love of the Toronto Maple Leafs has not prepared him for a winning Toronto Football Club (TFC).
"Having a few bad years? That's small potatoes to me. I've been a Leafs fan all my life and all I've ever seen is the Leafs flaming out in the playoffs or imploding before they even get there. I'm not sure what I'm going to do in 2016 if TFC is consistently good," stated Cogsworth to The Nutmeg News on Monday.
With Giovinco, Bradley and the re-animated corpse of Jozy Altidore patrolling the field, Cogsworth stated that he is starting to feel the first faint twinges of getting hopeful, for perhaps the first time in his sporting life.
"It is a very weird feeling having hope. I've been burned every possible way when it comes to both my hockey team and my soccer team that I started to imagine that the whole city was cursed by some kind of professional ineptitude. However, this whole TFC team thing seems to really be coming together and now I have to deal with the fact that we might actually be good two years in a row."
Cogsworth stated that he plans on trying to be positive, but that the Maple Leafs have only taught him to expect pain, "Maybe, somehow, MLSE can actually figure out a way to run a successful sports team after all, but I'm not holding my breath. If 20 years of following the Leafs have taught me anything its that sports is about abject misery and the pain of being unable to close things out. I'm just worried that I won't know how to be a fan of a top team when TFC wins consistently this season. I'm already working on my banter and ability to be overbearing online about how awesome TFC are while constantly reminding people that comment on YouTube videos that MLS is completely ignoring us for Los Angeles and New York."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Cogsworth tries to not frame his attitude for the upcoming pre-season games around his feelings on James Reimer.