Rec League Roundup: Terrible Player Spends 2 Hours Waffling Over $299.00 Footwear Features

Des Moines, IA - Central Iowa Coed Soccer player Thomas Clark reportedly spent over two hours, on Wednesday, trying to decide whether the features on the Nike Mercurial Superfly V FG necessitated the purchase of the $299.99 cleats over the Nike Hypervenom Phantom II FG.

"Only posers are going to run the Mercurial Veloce III DF FG because that's just announcing to everyone that you only had $169.99 to spend on cleats."

"Only posers are going to run the Mercurial Veloce III DF FG because that's just announcing to everyone that you only had $169.99 to spend on cleats."

According to friends and family, Clark is a terrible soccer player who really gains no benefit from wearing extremely expensive soccer specific cleats as teammates describe him as, "a complete subtraction, on the field."

Clark's current heatmap for the 2016 season is standing on the sidelines as he remains a massive liability both offensively and defensively to his team.  However, that hasn't stopped the aggressively lazy player from debating the minutia of two extremely expensive pieces of footwear.

"Which one of these is going to turn me into Lionel Messi," muttered Clark to himself as he scouted the gram differences in the weight between the two cleats. "It's likely the most expensive one, but you never know. I DO need the new chevron bladed studs so that I get better traction for straight line, explosive speed. However, I could also use a zig-zag pattern and the combo bladed and conical studs of the hypervenom. I mean, this could make the difference in the team's season."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this Clark abandons Nike to waffle over the adidas Messi 16+ PUREAGILITY FG.