Stan Kroenke Tries To Buy MLS Team After Forgetting He Owns The Colorado Rapids

Dallas, TX - Stating, "It could be a good investment" Colorado Rapids owner Stan Kroenke attempted to place a multi-million dollar bid for FC Dallas after forgetting that he already owns a team in Major League Soccer.

 Mr. Kroenke seen here allegedly demanding bribes, sexual favors and a lifetime supply of ribs from the city of St Louis in order to not move his NFL team.

Mr. Kroenke seen here allegedly demanding bribes, sexual favors and a lifetime supply of ribs from the city of St Louis in order to not move his NFL team.

Reportedly, Mr. Kroenke completely forgot that he owned the Colorado Rapids asking his assistant Marcus, "Wait, I already own a team in MLS? Is that the team I'm trying to force a move to a new city or the team that I already forced a move to a new city? This isn't the Nuggets, right? I'm moving that team as soon as I can. I thought I only bought ONE of those soccer team things. I was pretty messed up on adrenachrome and mescaline during most of 1994 to 1996 so I don't really remember any of my impulse purchases from then." 

Don Garber released a statement on Thursday, "As much as we would love to return to the days of having one financial group owning two or three teams, Mr. Kroenke is already running the Rapids into the ground as fast as possible. If we wanted another Tampa Bay Mutiny situation we wouldn't have contracted Chivas USA."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Kroenke also attempts to become a stakeholder in Los Angeles Football Club.