Nation's Referees To Soccer Players, "Keep Trying To Argue With Us You Little Punks."

The nations referees banded together today to release a statement.

"Keep trying to argue with us you little punks"

Spokesman Jair Marrufo had the following to say, "Despite the fact that no referee in the history of Major League Soccer has ever reversed a card because someone decided to scream in his face, you guys keep doing it. So I'm going to say, Bring It On. We are going to card the living shit out of each and every one of you. We will ensure that games finish a man down, that you get suspended and that your team loses. WE ARE THE LAW."

 In This Photo: ZERO - FUCKS - GIVEN

In This Photo: ZERO - FUCKS - GIVEN

Despite the bombastic statement from Marrufo, Major League Soccer has no intention of calming down their referees or even improving them.

"To be honest, we are a little afraid of them" said commissioner Don Garber. "We all know that Baldomero has a really big temper and this one time he walked into the headquarters with a piece around his waist. He threw his gun on the table and said, 'this is your red card' after he was told that he needs to clean up the games that he calls."

 Statistical Fact: Toledo once red carded his mother and sent her off for bringing sub-standard food to a family reunion.

Statistical Fact: Toledo once red carded his mother and sent her off for bringing sub-standard food to a family reunion.

However, Mark Geiger had a different take on the relationship between referees and Major League Soccer where he equated refereeing in Major League Soccer to some kind of pro-wrestling level of interference where the impetus was placed on the referees to keep the games entertaining. 

"We are here to make sure that Dax McCarty takes his heel turn on time and that the big clubs never get too big" said Geiger to a collection of bookmakers. "It is not so important to follow the laws of the game, but rather to referee based upon the way that will make the game more entertaining as is dictated by the head honchos in Major League Soccer and Pro Referees. I mean what is more excited than a nonsensical call at an important part in the game that reduces a team to 10 men."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as it continues to happen, over and over and over.