MLS Winter Schedule Advocate Reveals Vested Scarf Interests

NEW YORK - Red Bull New York fan and MLS Winter Schedule Advocate Thomas Zubez has admitted that he has been such a strong advocate for changing the schedule because, as he states, "I don't want to look like a twat by wearing my scarf during 90 degree weather anymore".

No need to burn 'em.Β They will likely suffer spontaneous combustion from swaddling themselves in scarves in 99 degree weather.

No need to burn 'em. They will likely suffer spontaneous combustion from swaddling themselves in scarves in 99 degree weather.

Mr. Zubez admitted that his long standing campaign for a Major League Soccer winter schedule is born out of his love of fashion, his desire to warm his throat and lower face area, his extensive scarf collection, and his investment into several high dollar and very rare vintage scarves. 

"I gotta get my kid in college, and there's no way I'm going to do this unless the demand for vintage scarves is coupled with the need to wear scarves. I need peak scarf financial conditions. If the weather is more snow and ice than sun tans and tank tops, the need to wear a scarf will increase the value. Also, I'm tired of buying a scarf to hang it on my wall. If the weather is 99 degrees on a road trip, whats the point of suffering through a game by wearing wool around your neck? During a winter schedule it would be cool enough at most locations to even wear two scarves. Just imagine the possibilities. Suddenly that 70 scarf guy with the Union wouldn't look like such a dick, he would just look appropriately warm given the conditions."

While Mr Zubez's motives are mostly selfish, he also feels very passionate about his mission to save North American soccer supporters as he stated, "We could stop being that syncopated army of sweaty twats marching together in 100 degree heat with our woolen neck warmers setting our jugular ablaze, and start becoming that cool group of people that wears clothes and accessories conducive to our weather. Imagine that. Also, I'm starting a personal line of scarves, so I'll have a kickstarter available if anyone is interested in making a donation."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Zubez unveils a really horrible design from MS Paint for his personally designed scarf collection.