LOS ANGELES - Soccer fan Zane Hughes hope for his newborn son Cody reportedly include being healthy, making a European team, playing for the United States Men’s National Team and surviving rising sea levels on a catamaran where clean water and food are the currency.

“I know that there is a chance that soccer or even this country may not exist by the time that he grows up, but I only hope for the best for him,” stated Hughes to The Nutmeg News. “Maybe it’s the current depression over this pandemic or the ever clicking drumbeat of climate change in the background, but I just hope that he learns out to curl in a free kick and surf down the backside of waves on a beam reach.”

Sources say that Hughes realizes that bringing a child into the world is consigning them to a very uncertain future but he states, “I want to be an optimist in this. Maybe we will figure things out. Maybe, despite all the evidence of the entire existence of humanity trying to screw each other, the human race will actually coalesce into some kind of group of people bigger than the whole. More likely we will need to ensure that he knows how to desalinate water in order to grow vegetables in order to trade for sailcloth and diesel.”

Hughes admits that he’s just going through a six month overall mental and physical depression, right now, but he stated that it’s only fair that he teach his son how to properly execute a rondo drill as well as learning how to repair a yanmar diesel engine while floating between the sunken ruins of Key West and Miami.

“In the end, my dream is an optimistic one even if that means him sailing the seas in loin cloth attempting to find some fabled land at the ends of the earth, and god… maybe I just need to stop watching Waterworld at 1:30 am while he is on the bottle.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hughes attempts to calm his fears by watching The Road followed by The Postman.