Frisco, TX - From the National Soccer Hall of Fame at Toyota Stadium in Frisco, Texas, the international terrorist Corona Virus threatened additional Major League Soccer and United Soccer League Twitter accounts.
“I’ve taken your cities hostage,” stated Virus. “I’ve taken your sports, your life, your loves, your Jimmy Kimmel show, your Tom Hanks, your ability to get loaded nachos out with your friends. Now I take your Twitter accounts.”
Reports indicate that Virus took down the official Twitter account for FC Dallas. Demands were released shortly thereafter. If these demands are ignored, Virus will take down additional Twitter accounts in the coming days.
“Oh, you think social distancing is your ally. But you merely adopted the distance; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see friends until I was already a virus, by then it was nothing to me but BORING! The friends betray you, because they belong to me!”
According to some of the demands, all people will continue to gather twice a week in Costco. As well, people who think they are too cool to get a virus will continue milling around in clubs coughing on each other and touching various body parts.
“You will all ignore the commands that attempt to stop me. You will run out to your neighbors and sneeze upon them. You will do these things or I will take another account. Next, I will come for your Rapids, your Sportings, your Red Bulls, your Timbers and your Sounders. I will take them all.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Virus takes additional hostages in a MegaChurch in Richardson, Texas.