NEW YORK - Recent off field hi-jinks such as pooping in the stadium stands by LAFC fans or cups of urine being thrown on fellow fans by Atlanta United have reportedly lead to the creation of an on field rivalry as Major League Soccer announced a Rivalry Week match-up for 2020 called the Golden Toilet Bowl.
“We are excited to add the Golden Toilet Bowl to the likes of the Hudson River Derby, the Rocky Mountain Cup, Hell Is Real, The Cascadia Cup, El Traffico, the Atlantic Cup, the Trilium Cup, and the California Classico,” stated Mark Abbot, President of Major League Soccer. “Both fanbases have shown an energetic competition in the usage of human waste and it’s time we honor that competition with a branded and created rivalry.”
Insiders with the league indicate that the teams will be playing for a 1/4th scale golden toilet with the winning team being engraved on removal golden flush handle that will hang in the offices of Major League Soccer until the next winner is crowned.
“We are also integrating this competition with Charmin,” stated Abbot to The Nutmeg News. “In order to facilitate some cross branding we will have the Golden Toilet Bowl presented by Charmin during Heineken Rivalry Week. Nothing will get your ready for the Golden Toilet Bowl like a case of Heineken and a roll of Charmin.”
Sources indicate that the league ran a focus group that suggested a number of different trophies for this competition including the Bowel Bowl, the Interstate Cup (ICUP), FC Porto-Potty, the Flush Cup, the Athletic Cup, the Derrière Derby, Smell Is Real, the Asscadia Cup, and the Honey Pot War.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as other fans scheme on ways to join the ranks of the Golden Toilet Bowl.