Fan's Estimation Of, "Like Two Million Fouls In That Game," Proven To Be Incorrect

Seattle, WA - Sounders fan Deborah Williams estimation of, “Like, two million fouls in that game,” was proven to be incorrect by statisticians with Opta and the Cambridge Institute Of Football Research, on Tuesday.

“If… IF you carry over transitive fouling are we talking about an exponential increase in overall foul markers for the game?”

“If… IF you carry over transitive fouling are we talking about an exponential increase in overall foul markers for the game?”

“We looked at Ms. Williams estimation and were concerned,” stated Enrique Humberto of Opta. “After all, two million fouls in a game would be a new record and would likely be a seismic shift in the way the game is played. We had to investigate so we put together a task force with the Cambridge Institute Of Football Research to count all the fouls in the Seattle versus Portland game to determine whether there were, in fact, two million fouls.”

Statisticians with CIOFR indicate that doubts were raised instantaneously as the game didn’t have the number of fouls per minute to result in two million fouls within the first two or three minutes.

“We knew that we were on to something big at this point,” stated Geoffrey Haverbrook of CIOFR. “If Ms. Williams estimation was correct then that game should see roughly 22,222 fouls per minute. After our researchers did NOT see 22,222 fouls in the first minute they suspected that perhaps her estimate was off.”

According to first year researcher Delmond Lewis he was startled by the stark difference.

“I expected blood and carnage and instead I got some people passing the ball around the back. I kept waiting for even 1,000 fouls or maybe 500 fouls per minute but instead we were treated to a lack of statistical action based upon the expectations that we had.”

With the research finally in, CIOFR and Opta both issued a statement widely panning the estimation of Ms. Williams as they elucidated that there were not two million fouls in that game.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a chastened Ms. Williams states that, “Portland are LITERALLY the worst team in soccer,” leading to a flurry of activity with CIOFR again.