UCLA Soccer Recruits Prepare For Upcoming Season By First Learning Basic Rules To Soccer

LOS ANGELES - UCLA Soccer recruits began their preparation for the upcoming NCAA fall soccer season by first learning the basic rules of the game they were recruited to play.

You all know the rules so just mill about on your parents money, keep your racist comments to your friends, and don’t kill anyone until you run for the Senate in 20 years.

You all know the rules so just mill about on your parents money, keep your racist comments to your friends, and don’t kill anyone until you run for the Senate in 20 years.

“How many people are on a team,” asked blue chip recruit Braden Davis to his coach Jorge Salcedo.

“Is there a lot of running or…… you know… not?” asked high school standout Aiden Reynolds.

Salcedo was encouraged by the amount of players taking their off-season preparation so seriously as he gave out “Soccer for Dummies” books to all new recruits for the 2019 season.

“I think we are really going to see an great season,” stated Salcedo from the window of his Tesla X-Model car. “I really think that Braden, Aiden, Jaden, Kaden, Caiden, Cayden, Caden, Caedon, and Hayden will have a fantastic impact on our team.”

For their part, the new defensive recruits for UCLA stated that they were all working on playing monthly games of FIFA online in an attempt to figure out what they would be doing soon.

“It can’t be that hard,” stated Payton Andrews III. “Look, you hit the boost button, slide tackle and some shit happens now pass me that bowl 420lyfefordays.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as transferring player Jose Gutierrez tries to field two separate calls about his student loans and eligibility.