Soccer Fan Enrolls In Night School In Order To Figure Out How To Watch MLS Games

WASHINGTON - 52 year old D.C. United fan James Reynolds enrolled in night school with a course load of technology classes in order to figure out how to watch D.C. United games this season as his first attempt at streaming MLS games failed miserably.


“I just want to watch soccer. Why the hell is this so hard?” stated Reynolds to The Nutmeg News.

Sources within Major League Soccer (MLS) indicate that local streaming deals like D.C. United and F.C. Cincinnati are going to become the norm as the league works on ensuring that no one can see any match unless they’ve paid money to do so.

“We are committed to creating an environment of scarcity,” stated one league source. “We are going to work with providers to make it as hard as possible to watch a game for anyone in order to make certain that we are driving viewing numbers by ensuring that no one can watch unless they have an advanced degree in network engineering.”

Reynolds is starting classes with a local community college next week with an emphasis on understanding the OSI and TCP./IP model and modern computing standards such as American Online as he stated, “I thought I would just be able to click and watch but apparently I’m going to need to finish this two year degree first.”

According to his son Tyson, Reynolds is, “so dumb,” for not just running a VPN and getting around the blackouts illegally. However, for their part, the league stated that it would consider it a violation of the terms and services if fans of teams in Major League Soccer try to watch games this way.

“We will not allow fans of teams to watch games in which their team plays,” stated MLS President Mark Abbott. “If you haven’t paid for a subscription service to a third party to watch 10 games a year and another subscription to another broadcaster to watch nationally televised games and purchased some kind of device to stream CCL games to your television from your phone then you aren’t a real fan. It should be reasonable for casual soccer fans to have an understanding of running KDE on virtualbox underneath their Windows 10 work laptop environment so they can use a paid VPN which allows them to stream an MLS game from a provider they pay monthly for blocked local games.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Major League Soccer solidifies the growing stature of the league by ensuring that no one can actually watch televised or streamed versions of the Saturday games.