Brand New Red Bulls Fan Unaware Of Upcoming Postseason Misery

NEW YORK - Brand new Red Bulls fan Thomas Federic is reportedly excited for the upcoming 2018 playoffs as he remains blissfully unaware of the long and luxurious history of postseason misery inflicted upon the fans of the team for the past 23 seasons.

 They’ve made the playoffs 19 out of 23 years with nothing to show for it.

They’ve made the playoffs 19 out of 23 years with nothing to show for it.

“Boy, this is gonna be FUN!,” stated an overly energetic Federic after watching New York dismantle Atlanta United in the regular season. “I can’t wait to watch the team hoist MLS Cup!”

Long time fans say that Federic will need to quickly develop a hard shell-like exterior where the misery of the post season washes over you like so many Caricola own-goals.

“This is why I drink,” stated long time fan John Sampson. “This. Is. Why. I. Drink,” he stated as he looked away from the TV and quelled the rising hope within him with a Dos Equis and a shot of Patron. 

Federic, for his part, remains energetic about the upcoming games as he sees all the future possibilities with none of the baggage of 23 years of futility.

“I can’t wait! Who here is excited for the playoffs!”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as grizzled Federic writes a novel length screed about his perpetual disappointment in the team on Metro Fanatic in roughly four years.