Columbus, OH - The Columbus Crew announced, on Wednesday, that they were rolling out a new Crew season ticket flex plan that includes a mid-priced option with zero games for the 2018 season.
"We know our fans are upset," stated snake in the grass owner Anthony Precourt. "Therefore we are offering them the option of a flex plan that they can pay for with zero home games. It's an innovative leap into a new frontier of ticket plans for this league."
Insiders with the Crew state that the new Zero Flex Plan came about due to a number of fans stating they wouldn't renew their season tickets.
"Anthony said that if the fans don't come, they should at least pay him for the privilege," stated one anonymous sales rep. "He even offered the option of a full kick in the genitals as a bonus for signing up early, but we told him that the fans weren't going to pay to be kicked in the junk."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Zero Flex Plan catches fire across the league.