CHICAGO - The NWSL pledge drive known as #PassTheBall entered it's 12th hour as a beleaguered Julia Roberts and Ellen DeGeneres continued to hawk tote bags and player greeting opportunities in order to acquire donations for the fledgling league.
Reportedly, Roberts and DeGeneres were first tapped to host the #PassTheBall pledge drive as the league saw celebrity fund raising as a way to increase their finances in order to keep the league running.
"It was important for us to figure out how to make our league seem big," stated NWSL director of Marketing Stephen Miller. "So we figured that we could trot out a few celebrities, give away a few tote bags and just ask for money. It's been working so far. My mom donated $5."
Fans were reportedly upset that the league didn't market itself as the best women's league in the world with personalities like Sam Kerr, Christen Press, Tobin Heath, Nahomi Kawasumi, and Nicole Barnhart.
"This pledge drive feels pretty low rent," stated the only Boston Breakers fan we could find. "I just wish the league actually believed they were as good as we know they are, with the exception of the Breakers and the Spirit of course."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Sarah Nclachlan ASPCA music starts playing over a montage of sad NWSL players and it turns out that you can save destitute NWSL player for just 19 cents a day. MAKE A PLEDGE. PLEASE. MAKE THIS END.