NEW YORK - Despite FIFA 2018 being released today at 8:00 am, video game player Michael Dawes reported that he already leveled up his playable character "Dick Cheese" to level 99 and sold him to Real Madrid for 140 million euros.
"Oh.... man.. Dick... Cheese," stated a stoned and giggling Dawes to The Nutmeg News. "Do you get it? Do you get it?"
Reportedly, an employed but somehow ill-on-this-day Dawes bought his copy of FIFA 2018 when the stores opened and by 11:00 am had already leveled up his playable character to 99 and sold him to Real Madrid where Dick Cheese will play alongside Cristiano Ronaldo.
"I'm going to have Dick Cheese win the Champions League on his first try," stated Dawes as he plowed through some Pizza flavored Pringles with the intensity of a Wildebeest. "Dick Cheese and Ronaldo is going to be an epic combination."
Sources at Dawes' work stated that he was expected to show up at the Starbucks on 80 Delancey Street until he called in to say that he was, "not feeling well, bro."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Dick Cheese wins the FIFA Player of the year and Dawes becomes bored of FIFA 2018 by 11:00 pm.