Anthropologists Discover Lost RFK Stadium Civilization After Grease Fire On Second Level

WASHINGTON - Anthropologists with the National Museum Of Natural History stated that after firefighters put out a grease fire at RFK Stadium they discovered a lost civilization living entirely on the second level of the stadium.

 Picture from the Temple Of Etcheverry. A holy site located on the second level of RFK Stadium.

Picture from the Temple Of Etcheverry. A holy site located on the second level of RFK Stadium.

"The local DC firefighters notified us after they contained the blaze and we went up to take a look," stated Professor Jefferson Hughes. "What we found was a whole ecosystem built up there subsisting on nothing but stale stadium food and the system of bartering old D.C. United branded giveaways."

Hughes stated that the second level civilization was an adjunct supporters group that split off after the start of the 1996 season. According to tribal elders, they eventually lost their navigation skills to get out of the cavernous stadium.

"This is a whole society built around the idea of D.C. United god-kings. Their entire world lives around the return of the god-king in March and celebrating the death of the god-kings season in September. They have carvings that appear to indicate an old religion based around warding off Wizards, Burn, Metro, Clash, and Mutiny. They appear to be a hunter gatherer society and those with the power are the ones with the guts to raid the food stalls after hours. So, if we are being honest, they really aren't that much different than the other supporters groups, they just don't go home."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the tribe's traditional hunting ground is closed and they are assigned a ticket representative who can give them a great deal on season tickets at Buzzard Point.