Baby Boomers Can't Wait To Destroy Soccer Environment, As Well

Not content with simply destroying the environment on a national level, the nations baby boomers, reportedly, can't wait to destroy soccer environments, as well.

"Aren't we happy now that we've ensured that future generations will have it worse than we have it? Let's figure out a way to price them out of this new sport that until a few years ago we hated because it seemed European."

"Aren't we happy now that we've ensured that future generations will have it worse than we have it? Let's figure out a way to price them out of this new sport that until a few years ago we hated because it seemed European."

"The crowds are too loud and there aren't enough luxury amenities," stated Norbert Randall of Beaverton, OR. "We need to ensure that the ticket prices are raised high enough to allow the team to pay for some new wine options at my seats."

"I didn't pick up 3 sets of tickets to have to live without table side service and to have fans standing to see the game.... SIT DOWN, HEATHENS," stated Virginia Madison of New York.

Fans of soccer in the United States and Canada say that one of the continuing decent things is that the game, except for international matches, is relatively cheap. However, Baby Boomers are reportedly anxious to bring the prices up into line with their NFL and NBA holdings as they stated, "No one will care about soccer as a recreational portfolio enhancement until the games are routinely $350 a ticket, and we have a private meet and greet with Don Henley."

A list of demands was given to Major League Soccer from the Baby Boomer Branding And Integration Street Team (BBBAIST) that stated unequivocally if Major League Soccer wants the Baby Boomer crowd they need to ensure that ticket prices are raised to keep out undesirables, that a Lands' End catalog must be available upon purchase, and that the wine, scotch and seltzer selections are enhanced throughout the stadiums.

"If this means that ticket prices need to go up by 200% on the supporters sections, then fine," stated Darrel Stephens of Issaquah, WA. "I'm old, white, holding on to my job by my finger tips in an effort to keep this 29 year old kid from getting promoted, and I'm not going to be pushed around. Let the 18 year old kids pay double for their seats. I want Oysters, a private meet and great with the owners, and a Government Mule concert as part of my ticket prices."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when the Baby Boomers gather around the wine bar at your local soccer stadium to talk about free love, touring the United States on spare change, buying a house for under $50,000, getting a good education at a decent price, the time they saw the Grateful Dead on tour, and what it was like to violently strangle all the principles they had when they were younger.