Positive Press Release Hides Fact That Player Is Just Warm Body On Training Ground

LOS ANGELES - A positive press release by the Los Angeles Stevedores FC exalting Roy Anderson's defensive prowess is apparently hiding the fact that the player was acquired to be a warm body on the training ground and not much is expected from him.

Get out there and get the ball, Roy. No... no... don't play, Just grab the ball and head into the practice room.

Get out there and get the ball, Roy. No... no... don't play, Just grab the ball and head into the practice room.

"We acquired Roy because we really were one person short of a full roster and we didn't want to hear it from our fans the entire season long," stated Jimmy "mac" Williams, general manager of the Stevedores and GM of Williams' LuLaRoe Leggings in Burbank.

"We pretty much expect him to fetch things, set up obstacles/cones on the field for drills and take pictures for our social media employees to post on line. God help us all if he ever finds the field."

With the Stevedores defensive record suffering last season due to the loss of their captain Clark "buck" Hogmoan, fans were especially sensitive to matters regarding the defense and most Stevedores FC fans were excited at the acquisition of Anderson.

"We will have to see what he can contribute on the field, but his youtube video and resume seem to indicate that he is a defensive master," stated Stevedores FC fan and president of the Stevedores supporters group, The Commodores.

"We trust the ownership to get this right and the acquisition of Anderson is a clear sign that they are focusing on defense."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Anderson is unceremoniously traded for soccer balls during the second half of the season.